I spent this past week reading 302 letters telling me how great, wonderful and loving a person I am (was? LOL)--okay, okay so there were 24 that didn't think so (but that after whatever we had was over!) I enjoyed the letters and started wondering whatever happened to those people--the majority--I haven't heard from or seen? Should I try to contact them? I did make the attempt regarding one only to find out that Frank had died 5 years ago. I am having second thoughts now. Reading the letters reminded me of this that I had written a few years ago and it is still mostly true.
"My world revolves around me but THE world doesn't. "
I found this quote and instantly realized that it is true for all people. Whether we admit it or not we all do what WE want to do whether it is good for us or not. Some people choose to be martyrs while others choose to be victims and some constantly switch roles.
Anyone who reads my blogs know that I talk about myself and my life a lot! Most will have a picture or two of me! Yes my blogs are about me, me and me! In the past month a blogger threatened me physically, another said "I was a know it all!" and a friend that I had the attitude that I was always right. I know it is hard to believe but, yes, there are people who don't like me--so what?
On February 29, 2016, I will be 80 or--counting my Leap Year birthdays--20. For some reason, and I wasn't taught it as a child, I have had a positive attitude which carried me through hard times and I have had them--being one night away from homelessness, losing the love of my life, declaring bankruptcy TWICE!, walking away from $1 million +, being arrested for being gay and more. I have also had many highs in my life and have learned a lot. I can look you in the eye and say I am a happy man, satisfied with my life and have very few regrets but even those I wouldn't change because I wouldn't be where I am.
How did I get where I am? A lot of luck? Yes! Hard work? Not too much. Being at the right place at the right time? Three times. Being impulsive? Definitely and not worrying about the consequences. Most of all it has been my caring for, and about, others--and that is something I learned to do on my own.
I was brought up on the principles of: "Promises are made to be broken,", "We are going to the poorhouse" (both from my mother), "F**K them before they F**K you," and "Someday all this will be yours. Why do you think I work so hard?" (from my father.) It took going through food and booze addictions, smoking 3 packs a day, a sex addiction that had me having more sexual encounters than Wilt Chamberlain and 6 others combined and then therapy.
The one thing that has been consistent in my life are my friendships which included my 4 exes. Obviously, because they are exes, I am not good in partner/lover/spouse/longtime companion or whatever they are called today but I am a great friend. The most friends I had at one time were 6 and that's not easy because being a true friend is not easy.
I am wise enough, brave enough and open enough to say I won't compromise-- none of this "If you really loved me you would..." nor am I willing to change for anyone. I like who I am. I accept people for who they are--though I am not above a suggestion now and then--and I do give advice---good advice, from experience. I have no expectations of/from anyone and don't want them to have them of/from me. I will trust anyone until they prove me wrong. The only thing I can't/won't accept from anyone is their lying to me.