Saturday, May 25, 2013
Best way to sum up what I apparently suffer from. I carefully count things like calories and carbs. I try to keep my fat down or make healthy fat choices (olive oil or coconut oil because vegetable oil is the devil). I often catch myself severely chastising myself if my meals/snacks aren't up to my new set standards. Like if I slip up once I'll instantly revert back to 350lb. While I know it won't...I still guilt myself for it and punish myself appropriately. Unhealthy probably...but, it's working to make me skinnier...
Now, all that being said...I find that I have virtually no food guilt for things that I honestly shouldn't consume...come to think of it....the major foods I have problems with are so processed and chemical laden no one at all should eat them...they shouldn't even be made (yeah, that's it...because then I'd never have to worry about them). Anyhow...today I was offered about a 4x2 end slice of chocolate sheet cake with white icing complete with icing flower. I gladly ate it and stopped myself short of licking the plate. I gave no thought to the amount of calories or crap in that yummy junky chemical laden store bought cake....or for that matter what it'll do to my blood sugar or my health in any way.
This behavior coming from me...the weirdo that has developed a grape counting habit. Heaven forbid I log 23 and I really ate 25. Pow, 350lbs and the world will end....I swear it.
Did I get some guilt from logging it honestly? Yes, I did. Would it stop me from doing that again? Probably not. Will I make an informed choice and following serving size next time? Also, probably not. Will I continue to count grapes, weigh and measure my fruit, veggies, meat, and grains? Yes. I guess no matter how far I've come I'm still a work in progress with a long way to go.