Friday, May 24, 2013
I'm blogging because I need accountability in a bad way. On February 29,2008 I did the hardest thing I have done and that is I quit smoking. I gave them up for good. But lately I have been so stressed out that the "old" me is coming back yelling at me that a cigarette would be great. I know that is false, yet I do remember how smoking did seem to calm my anxiety and my anxiety has been off the charts. I find myself staring at the counter with cigarettes at the store. Not good I know. I have been able to walk away thankfully, but I still have that crave that keeps popping up.
I know I can't go back to smoking because my health would be in ruin. It was nearly there when I quit. While smoking I had pneumonia several times along with the usual bouts of bronchitis. I have asthma so I sure as HE!! don't need to be smoking. My breathing has been so much better since I quit.
When I quit I was so proud and so motivated. I was even losing weight. I was sparking and following my program. I felt comfortable in my skin. I was a positive person. I miss that person. I watched this past season's Biggest Loser on HULU and it just made me bawl. I want to feel accomplished, proud, positive and not the negative, depressed, anxious person I have become. I certainly don't feel comfortable in my skin, yet I don't do anything about it.
On a positive note I had my annual physical and my cholesterol is great. I was worried it wouldn't be since all the weight gain. Also found out that my thyroid medicine needed a boost. Maybe that will get me on my way.
I need all the encouragement I can get. I know motivation comes from within and I am working on that. I've made big strides in decluttering and cleaning my apartment. It is finally free of CHAOS!! That I admit feels great.
For Today I am saying NOPE: NOT ONE PUFF EVER!!
I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here!