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Friday, May 24, 2013

I'm blogging because I need accountability in a bad way. On February 29,2008 I did the hardest thing I have done and that is I quit smoking. I gave them up for good. But lately I have been so stressed out that the "old" me is coming back yelling at me that a cigarette would be great. I know that is false, yet I do remember how smoking did seem to calm my anxiety and my anxiety has been off the charts. I find myself staring at the counter with cigarettes at the store. Not good I know. I have been able to walk away thankfully, but I still have that crave that keeps popping up.

I know I can't go back to smoking because my health would be in ruin. It was nearly there when I quit. While smoking I had pneumonia several times along with the usual bouts of bronchitis. I have asthma so I sure as HE!! don't need to be smoking. My breathing has been so much better since I quit.

When I quit I was so proud and so motivated. I was even losing weight. I was sparking and following my program. I felt comfortable in my skin. I was a positive person. I miss that person. I watched this past season's Biggest Loser on HULU and it just made me bawl. I want to feel accomplished, proud, positive and not the negative, depressed, anxious person I have become. I certainly don't feel comfortable in my skin, yet I don't do anything about it.

On a positive note I had my annual physical and my cholesterol is great. I was worried it wouldn't be since all the weight gain. Also found out that my thyroid medicine needed a boost. Maybe that will get me on my way.

I need all the encouragement I can get. I know motivation comes from within and I am working on that. I've made big strides in decluttering and cleaning my apartment. It is finally free of CHAOS!! That I admit feels great.

For Today I am saying NOPE: NOT ONE PUFF EVER!! emoticon I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here!
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  • LINDAF49
    Gentle hugs from one on the fibro team and one who gave up alcohol - some say smoking is harder and you have succeeded so stay the course dear one. I still read my daily devotions from the serenity New testament with highlights that go with AA but are applicable to all addictive behaviours. I have not overcome the food addition and it is hard because we still have to eat but a little more structure or control with each passing week and I am thankful...I want to encourage you to keep on keepin;s on and lean on others who have walked a mile in your shoes...keep blogging and sharing...we want to be here for you and I pray for others there close to you to come along side because we can love and pray but there are times you just need someone with skin on!!!
    1747 days ago
    I admire ALL folks who give up an addiction - it's gotta be the hardest thing a person can do. Hang in there, sweetie - and know we love you whether you smoke or not....
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    1761 days ago
  • DAP1313
    emoticon emoticon for quitting. I know it's the hardest thing to do, as I've done it myself. A few years ago I was so stressed that I dreamt I was having a cigarette to calm myself. Thank goodness it was only a dream. Hang in there as this too shall pass. I found that music and sitting down and taking deep breaths help.

    1763 days ago
    If you conquered CHAOS one day and babystep at a time, you can put off smoking for NOW--this minute, this hour, this day.

    2 other thoughts that might help, as they did me. Rather than staying focused on a negative--what you don't want to do (smoke), put your you want to do, feel, accomplish--and keep moving towards positive goals every day.

    What does God want for you? Doesn't He want you to feel free and strong, capable and healthy? Lean on Him for guidance and support. When I realized that drinking disrupted my connection with the Goddess, I knew my relationship with Her was much more important than the temporary comfort alcohol gave me. That's why it wasn't so hard for me to quit. And when I find myself wondering if I could handle it now, or romanticizing the pleasure (and forgetting the crappy consequency), I just ask myself what matters to me most--and my spiritual health wins out every time.

    Wishing you all the best, Cynthia! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon
    1764 days ago
    I'm glad you decided not to smoke for the day. You have sound reasons not to. Everyone loses motivation every now and then. I just started reading the new Spark Book and it seems to be helping me.
    1764 days ago
    I quit smoking three years ago...but not completely. Once maybe every 4 - 5 months I give into that URGE!!! Then I buy two packs, the amount I use to smoked each day. I will then chain smoke these till they are done. And of course I feel horrible. One, I broke my streak. Two my mouth tastes awful. Three my apartment smells like H***!!! So far after that one day binge smoking, I have managed to quit the next day, thank goodness. I just have to be 'bad' for that one day to deal with accumulated stress. The smoking does help with the stress but I still feel like I let myself down.

    Congratulations on your being able to fight off the URGE! I wish I had your will power! I hope you find healthier ways to de-stress than I do. Be proud of yourself for your self control and determination, Don't give in, I wish I would not. It has now been four months for me, this time I pray that I can resist the temptation when it hits!

    Good luck as you continue to find the inner strength to resist!
    1764 days ago
  • JMC155
    I am there with you. Take it a day, a hour or a minute at a time if you have to. Think of all the reason you quit and how much better you feel. You inspired me to make it through several rough days earlier this year, so I know you can keep your quit.

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    1764 days ago
    I currently smoke and I hate it. None of the reasons you quit are going to go away if you start again. You'll have those same problems, if not worse. Count your blessings. I want to quit everyday. Once, I quit for 7 years and I regret badly ever picking up again. I find myself 30 years later still smoking. But I'll never give up trying to give cigarettes up. This too shall pass.

    I currently am working on giving up alcohol. I have 27 sober days today. Slowly, I am becoming healthier and quitting smoking is my next step.

    Remember, Not one puff, one moment at a time!

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    Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus asking for help for my sparkfriend. Give her strength to resist the enemy. Your Word says if we do this, that he will flee from us. Your Word says that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Send your Holy Spirit to minister to your child. Take away her difficulties, that victory over them will bear witness to Your power, Your love, and Your way of life. May we do Your will always. In Jesus' name. Amen.

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    1764 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/24/2013 8:00:30 PM
    Check with your doctor about increasing your intake of magnesium. That can sometimes help with anxiety. You remember how much smoking calmed you but do you remember all the really crappy things about smoking - I remember stinking, I remember the cost which added to my anxiety, I remember the anxiety of when I was going to get my next smoke, I remember being angry for having to work late & it meant I would not be able to get my next smoke as anticipated, & worst of all I remember how really hard it was to get through the first 8 months of quitting. I REALLY thought I was going to go crazy. Now when I cry because of feeling anxious, it is not over a stupid cigarette! Stay free of them, you will not regret it!!
    1764 days ago
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    1765 days ago
    Hang in there and don't give into temptation. My friend has quit for the 1000th time since I have known her. It has been 3 months and I always tell her to not go back do it because look back at the wonderful months she has had without them. She is really dedicated this time and I am proud of her. I know that you can do it and get back on track and start to lose weight. Never give up, expect tough times, but you can overcome them. Good Luck!!!!
    1765 days ago
    Stay strong you CAN do this! emoticon You sound like your are doing all the right things to stay in control. Keep moving to get rid of the stress, and chaos. You can find that person you were so proud of before . emoticon
    1765 days ago
  • TWEETY287
    Maybe you should do a little research on those that have struggled with lung cancer and see their families hurt and go on quit smoking websites to keep you going and motivated rumbaing that exercising will help with all your stress and anxiety do a work out on days you know you will feel anxious or stressed so for me that would be everyday :) Keep in mind someone to reverse the effects of smoking would need to run for 10 years at least that's what I heard maybe you can find if it's true or not can you really reverse the effect, I believe so that's why I keep running I quit smoking over 5 years ago and love to breathe!!
    1765 days ago
    I know exactly what you are saying here. Try to stay strong and I'll try to check in with you to remind you not to puff and turn those healthy lungs into black chunks of meat.
    1765 days ago
  • VEG_GIRL04
    Biggest thing you can do is try to establish why you feel the way you do. A cigarette (just like over eating, drinking, all of the things we are addicted to) can make you feel better for the time being - but it's not going to change what is really making you feel the way you do.

    Keep telling yourself you can do this, change the things in your life that bring you down and push to make you a happier and better you. YOU CAN DO THIS!
    1765 days ago
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