There's so much I want to write about this morning that I think I'll categorize by subject:
I haven't stress blogged in a while and I do feel like I'm "relapsing" for lack of a better word. For awhile I was extremely conscientious of the triggers for my stress as well as the direct correlation it had on my eating. I'm still very much aware of the connection between how I'm feeling and what I feel like eating, but I've been giving in to triggers that initiate that connection in the first place. I'm back to checking my email a bit obsessively. The thing is that even though I know my inbox causes anxiety that idea of not knowing what's in my inbox is almost worse. So I've come to realize that if I'm going to check it I can not dwell on the outcome. I've also been shutting down emotionally quite a bit with everything happening with my younger brother and some less than stellar school mandates. I won't go into those, but I'm finding my ability to be more empathetic than my peers can really work against me.
In short, I've been logging my stress levels on SP as 5s more than I think is healthy and so I will return to identifying experiences that help me cope with intense feelings of panic &/or anxiety.
Like the obsessive, anxiety ridden girl I am, I was freaked at a one week, five pound weight loss last week. The good news that follows is that I maintained that loss and weighed in at the exact same weight a week later. It feels like an accomplishment now rather than a concern. I know I earned that weight loss and that it was healthy. This also puts me 25 lbs. away from my initial weight loss goal.
I realize that a lot of people alter their end goal as they near it and I might be doing the same. I just want to make sure it's for the right reasons. My goal weight is 150 lbs, which is actually still in the overweight BMI range, which makes the compelling argument to at least work into the 140s. The conundrum with that is I do not want to move to a weight I can not maintain healthily. Ever. I've been down that road and it landed me where I was 5 months ago. So for now I know that 150 is at least the weight that I feel is reasonable, obtainable, and manageable.
I joined the new members group for the next round of BLC. It intrigues me, but I must say I am concerned that perhaps it requires more computer time than I realize. I'm using the two weeks training to gauge this so that I can make an educated decision as to whether or not I can be a constructive participant, assuming I am selected to partake. I like the team motivation behind it and it will be my work "off season" so I think that should naturally bring my stress levels down in time for the challenges.
And to that end, one of the weekly challenges is to identify obtainable, measurable, and manageable goals for the 12 week experience. So here they are:
1.) to continue my healthy weight loss journey right into my goal weight by the end of August. (TOTALLY measurable & obtainable)
2.) to improve my vertical endurance because getting winded going up the stairs is ridiculous and I am scheduled for hikes in the Grand Canyon this summer. (Also measurable & obtainable)
3.) to continue developing my food palate with new, delicious foods - I started with quinoa, kale, and Greek yogurt and hope to expand from there. (Yay for manageable)
4.) identify high stressors and natural ways to remedy those feelings rather than caving into those feelings. (Difficult, but obtainable)
5.) to continue to expand my definition of exercise - I started with just moving, then incorporated lower body ST, and am now developing upper body ST as well as vertical endurance so I'd like to continue experimenting with different movements. (obtainable & manageable)
Whether I am invited to a team or not I will still pursue these goals through the summer, so it's nice to write them down anyway.
I had so many more topics stored in my mind for this blog, but as I began developing these thoughts and emotions I feel much more calm than when I started. So I think I'll let it sit here. Thankfully, I have a nice long weekend ahead and I hope to recharge my batteries a bit. And just because, I think I'll make today a super high protein and slightly longer workout than usual day.