Thursday, May 23, 2013
i have recently made a realization that i live in an almost-constant state of guilt. feeling guilty that i am not a good enough friend/family member/girlfriend/employee. feeling guilty that i ate grapes at bedtimes and brought my calorie count over 1200. feeling guilty that i have a headache and dont want to work out. etc etc etc.
i have also recently realized that guilt is not a productive emotion. guilt will get you nowhere. therefore...i have decided that my next step in self-improvement is letting go of the guilt. if i can find a productive emotion to replace a certain feeling of guilt, i will. if i cant, i will just drop it!
example: the other night i had dinner with my dad, and we had a very serious conversation. in this conversation, i said some pretty honest things. immediately upon getting home, i started feeling guilty that i had said something to hurt his feelings. however, instead of sending him a guilty email apologizing if i had been too harsh, i sent him a positive email saying that i was glad we talked. in that situation, i feel like i (semi-) did away with my guilt by making a positive replacement.
example number two: we are supposed to work 7.5 hrs in my office (including lunch). i always work 8.30 - 4.30 (an extra half hour) but one of my coworkers always works 8.30 - 5 or 9 - 5. today she got there at 8, and still hadnt left when i was leaving at 4.30. i asked her about it, and she said that we are supposed to work until 5. my boss created my schedule, so i feel confident that i am not doing anything wrong, but i immediately started feeling guilty. i am only working 8 hrs in a 7.5 hr day, while my coworker is working 8.5 (or 9 today?!). granted, if i had a high-pressure or high-workload job, i would be happy to work extra. but i mostly sit on sparkpeople all day and count down until it's time to go home haha. anyway, i immediately started feeling guilty that i wasnt doing enough. until on my drive home...i realized...i am. i am doing what my boss asked of me. i dont need to feel guilty.
those might've been drawn out examples...but the bottom line is...i am going to stop stressin! i am doing ok! i am doing enough! i am good enough!