Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.
BERKANA_T
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 14,527
SparkPoints
 

Feeling good today!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

I don't know what it is lately, but I've been on such an emotional roller coaster that half the time I don't know up from down. Today, despite all the questions and doubts, is a good day.

My weight loss has stalled - I refuse to call it a plateau because to me a plateau is a high point, and weight loss is supposed to be a gradual decline. My motivation to keep going has been hit and miss. Some days I'm still good, exercising and watching what I eat. Other days, not so much. The thing is, I'm happy with what I've lost so far. I wouldn't be terribly upset if I stayed at this weight for a while - mostly to satisfy the economist in me.

I'm having issues with clothing lately. A lot of my favourite outfits no longer fit properly, or at all (mini celebratory chair dance at that thought!), and buying new clothes is expensive. The knowledge that I intend to lose at least another 2 or 3 clothing sizes before I'm done makes me reluctant to go all out on a new wardrobe, even though I know that it will likely take me years to drop down that many dress sizes. Add to that the fact that I REALLY don't like the colours and patterns this season, and I'm having issues letting go of my old favourites knowing that I won't be able to replace them. I never would have thought that I'd be such a fasion diva!! And yes, I know that a lot of people use second hand clothing stores to fill their closets when losing weight; however, that is just not an option for me here. The closest decent second hand clothing store that carries anything that I might wear is over 4 hours away.

But I do keep chugging on, trying to keep in mind my mantra - any movement is better than no movement and make a healthier choice, even if it's not the healthiest choice.

The whole TTC thing is definitely contributing to my moods and my motivation lately as well. You'd think that knowing that a healthier, lighter me will not only make it easier to conceive, but also ensure a healthier pregnancy and baby, would make it easier for me to stay on the right track. Some times it does. Other times, not so much.

There are times that I question whether we're doing the right thing by trying for a baby. My 16 year old daughter does NOT want to be a big sister. She's had me to herself for her whole life, and for a good portion of it, it was just her and I. I understand that she feels a bit threatened by the thought of sharing me with another child. But she was never intended to be an only child. I always wanted more, it just never happened. And now that I'm finally in a place where we can consider having a child, I'm torn. I want another baby. But I also don't want the baby I already had to feel like she wasn't enough for me.

Ah well. I think D will be a wonderful father. He's already phenomenal with my daughter, and she only became a regular part of his life as a teenager (which many parents say are the most difficult years). I dream about little mini-D's all the time now. Although I've always wanted another girl, I have to say I'll be more than happy with a little boy with D's big brown eyes.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Be the First to Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

More Blogs by BERKANA_T