Thursday, May 23, 2013
My computer has been acting up as of late. It says my 'start up disk is full'. OK it's a Mac, that means my hard drive memory storage is full. yada yada must clean up a bunch of stuff. So I alway start with pictures first. I seam to always fine some I can delete that where taken from my phone and aren't needed or aren't good.
In the process of going thru the photos I looked back at what I looked like a year ago! It's the same pictures that are on my blog. I found the difference of what I looked like last year at this time and this year at this time to be so much that it's almost depressing.
The honest truth? I've gained 20 lb in the past year! 20! That's alot that's too much. I keep loosing the same 5 lbs and gaining it back right now. Why? I'm not sure. I know "HOW" but not "WHY". I will be doing some soul searching to figure that out. I eat and eat and eat. I can't stop some days.. other days I do OK. My exercise has been a bit spotty the past few weeks due to illness (but that's only been one month)
There is a mental, psychological difference in me this past year. I need to search it out and fix it. I'm not happy with what and who I see in the mirror or in photos. I don't even look happy in any of the photos lately.
Some things I will be looking into is what has changed in our lives in the past year. I know of a few key events around the time that I started to gain weight. I can not change the out come of those events, and I must learn to live with them. So I will spend some time trying to figure out how.
Next I need to come back up with a menu tracking plan that will work for me. I must figure out how to not 'binge' eat. When am I bingeing and why? Last year I was doing great I would look at the calories like money and saving spending plan. That same trick isn't working right now.
So I am looking to jump start this weight loss again. I have 20 lb of FAT that I must get rid of by the end of summer! So a plan will be made and MUST be followed.
I need to find my happy place again.