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Finding me

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Many things about my life right now I love. I have a good husband. I have good kids. Yes, they are human but for the most part they are making good life choices. I am happy for the paths they have taken so far.

One is married. One is in college. One is working towards some excellent goals. One is getting ready to graduate High School. My only daughter is finishing middle school and trying to do the right thing...my little guy is excited about life and watching him makes me happy too.

I am happy with the choice I made many years ago to be a stay at home mom. I love that I did that and would not trade that for anything.

Now as you can see from the paragraph about my family most of my kids are mostly grown. They still need me to be mom but for half or sometimes more of them the needs day to day for the 4 older are clearly diminishing. I am glad and I am sad. But, I realize this year that I am not so sure what to do about me.

I enjoy the substitute job that I have. I am happy to find more time for myself. I sometimes even miss living life with a preschool child in tow. It seems like I did for a long time. There are 17 years between oldest and youngest.

Now I am getting used to grocery shopping all alone. I can run errands by myself too. It is a strange thing to do.

I am thinking about what I really want. I honestly am not sure.

I think that the part of this journey for me that is scary is not success or failure. I have been pondering that for a long time. It is what will I think of myself if I succeed. There will be lots of room in my head if I kick out that negative voice and replace it with a message of competence.
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    I am not part of a team right now so am trying to organize myself to have a routine. Not going very well because the girls are all home and I've had a week of difficult guests (I should not complain as that rarely happens)... but still, I am not making consistent time for myself. Some good choices but I do better when I make a plan in the morning for exercise and meal preparation. Which makes me wonder why when I am looking after other people I don't do well at that. Hmmm. Worth blogging about... and making a list this morning. Your blog really makes me think. What do I want? How do I see myself when I succeed? I feel like I have been alternating between working really hard towards getting to onederland and pretending I am maintaining. Like keeps going on no matter what and I do wonder what I am woking towards. For me there is a lot of uncertainty about 2 of my daughters' and what is ahead. It would be so nice some days to let them figure it out for themselves. Hmmm. Another thought to blog about. Thanks for sharing.
    1721 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    Life is a Journey & you are doing Great!
    1727 days ago
    I think it's great when someone is able to stay home with the children. I was only able to do that for a couple of years.

    I understand the feeling of loss and of opportunity.

    Wishing you a wonderful new time of discovery!
    1737 days ago
  • NANCY-
    Ah changing roles. Sounds like you did a great job as a stay at home mom. (I'm one too, my boys are 29, 25 &24) Two are still home.
    Now is a great time to show them how you take care of yourself and pursue your dreams. I spend more time at farmer's markets, purchasing healthier fare in general.

    As your life changes so do your needs. It is a bit scary as we head down this new portion of road on our journey. I have found that following my heart helps, but using my head to help me follow my hearts desire.

    My current crusade is toward a more natural, healthier, simpler and greener way of life. My actions demonstrate by beliefs.

    Sure I do miss the 'Mom" stuff, but the "me" stuff is nice to show our children who we really are. Besides how knows it may be something that you have in common and can share with your daughter.
    1738 days ago
    1738 days ago
    It sounds like you already have what you want and are very happy!! My kids are grown however I don't have an empty nest. My oldest daughter is married, younger daughter will be home this summer for good after getting her MFA and my son works but still lives with us. I remember those days when you had to go out to get milk or bread and had to gather everyone up and into the car. So much work but I do so miss it at times!! They really do grow up way too fast!!

    Have a wonderful day!!

    1738 days ago
  • JOYB19
    I hope you have fun finding what you really want! Kick out that negative self-talk and just have fun with where you're at. One day at a time...

    1738 days ago
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