Thursday, May 23, 2013
Many things about my life right now I love. I have a good husband. I have good kids. Yes, they are human but for the most part they are making good life choices. I am happy for the paths they have taken so far.
One is married. One is in college. One is working towards some excellent goals. One is getting ready to graduate High School. My only daughter is finishing middle school and trying to do the right thing...my little guy is excited about life and watching him makes me happy too.
I am happy with the choice I made many years ago to be a stay at home mom. I love that I did that and would not trade that for anything.
Now as you can see from the paragraph about my family most of my kids are mostly grown. They still need me to be mom but for half or sometimes more of them the needs day to day for the 4 older are clearly diminishing. I am glad and I am sad. But, I realize this year that I am not so sure what to do about me.
I enjoy the substitute job that I have. I am happy to find more time for myself. I sometimes even miss living life with a preschool child in tow. It seems like I did for a long time. There are 17 years between oldest and youngest.
Now I am getting used to grocery shopping all alone. I can run errands by myself too. It is a strange thing to do.
I am thinking about what I really want. I honestly am not sure.
I think that the part of this journey for me that is scary is not success or failure. I have been pondering that for a long time. It is what will I think of myself if I succeed. There will be lots of room in my head if I kick out that negative voice and replace it with a message of competence.