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Nate Fight Lunnies


Thursday, May 23, 2013

The IRS has now admitted that they targeted conservative groups for extra scrutiny. That’s why Mitt Romney wanted to be president so bad — to keep the IRS off his back. -Jay Leno




Well, congratulations, President Barack Obama, Conspiracy theorists who generally can survive in anaerobic environments have just had an algae bloom dropped on their freaking heads, thus removing the last arrow in your pro-governance quiver: skepticism about your opponents. -Jon Stewart




Folks this proves that everything I’ve ever said about Obama is true. It’s official. He’s a secret Muslim, shape-shifting alien from Kenya who is coming for our guns. And Bo is a member of the Illuminati. -Stephen Colbert



On Saturday, the West Wing of the White House was evacuated when an overheated transformer set off a smoke alarm. Or as Obama put it, ‘Yeah, definitely check out that crazy transformer. Kind of smells like Marlboro Lights.’ -Jimmy Fallon



This is crazy. The justice department is saying that President Obama can order drone strikes on American citizens, that he can do that. In a related story, this is the last Obama joke I'm ever doing on this show. -Conan O'Brien



The Republican Party has its own line of clothing. The problem is it keeps coming apart at the seams. -David Letterman



Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail. -Jay Leno



President Obama hosted Republican senators for dinner at the White House. The president said he had to do without salt, pepper, and butter – because as you know, the Republicans refuse to pass anything. -Jay Leno


On Tuesday at the White House, President Obama sang with Justin Timberlake. It’s being called the blackest thing President Obama has ever done. -Conan O'Brien



Donald Trump is going to be a grandfather. It’s true. That thing on his head is pregnant. -Craig Ferguson



New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky… Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court. --Bill Maher



President Obama has been going around the country to rally support for his economic plan, and yesterday he said that a lot of sectors of our economy are doing better. When pressed for examples, Obama said, ‘Uh — the Iron Man sequel sector?’ -Jimmy Fallon



The Statue of Liberty is reopening on July 4. It has been closed since last year. What happened was she went in for lap band surgery. -David Letterman



Chris Christie revealed a couple months ago that he had lap band surgery. They’re speculating that he did this because they’re thinking he’s going to run for president in 2016, and he couldn’t unless he lost a lot of weight, and this procedure accomplishes that because it surgically pinches off your stomach so you just can’t eat. Because that’s what you want in a president, someone with absolutely no will power, someone who says ‘I can literally not contain myself’ -Bill Maher
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOUBBIE 5/23/2013 12:27PM

    Maher wins again!

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NAYPOOIE 5/23/2013 12:13PM

    Really love the last one.

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DALID414 5/23/2013 8:46AM

    emoticon

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