Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I've got that song stuck in my head...
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day."
I started Advocare again after making the choice to start eating right, set some goals and stick to some kind of plan.
I've really cut down on sweets. Except for the chocolate flavor of my protein shakes, I've been steering clear of chocolate... and dairy, and gluten, and wheat products.
I've been taking an energy supplement made by Advocare as well as ginseng, and I think that, in combination with eating better has greatly affected my resolve and my level of optimism.
I haven't worked out in a week, but that's because my doctor says I can't due to a pulled rib. In fact, I should be icing my back right now.
Once I changed my perspective and quit my job, my stress level started to diminish just a bit. My husband said it was like a visual change came over me. Anyway, I have been putting in my application for the Fall, and my current job even said if no one hires me, they would be happy to keep me on part-time in the Fall. (But I don't think it would pay enough to get me through)
I've lost 4 pounds without even exercising in the last week. I believe it's the change in eating habits. My husband is extra supportive. He started to curb his eating habits too, and has already lost 9 pounds.
I feel more positive because I made a choice between focusing on fertility and focusing on health, and right now my focus is on health, so I'm not stressing about it nearly as much. I am afraid of getting pregnant before I'm adequately prepared though.
I want to meet these goals first:
Stable job by Fall
Better health insurance coverage
Doctor/healthcare taken care of: yearly checkups, dental health at optimum level
I want to buy a sleep number mattress before getting pregnant to help with back pain issues (the first time, I remember how sore my back could be, and now I want one more than ever)
Lose a minimum of 40 lbs.
So I think a good timeline would be to get all of this done by 2014 and then start focusing on fertility again. And I doubt I will even have to, because if all of those things fall into place, odds are I will be preggo before I've reached my ideal weight... which is more than 40 lbs below where I am now. Ideally, I would be between 125 and 135 lbs. But last time, I got pregnant at 168 lbs. Here's hoping.
My parents are moving to the next town (they live in the same town as I do now), and since my husband works two towns over in the same direction, I am thinking it might be more practical if we decided to move in that direction as well. I have a job interview next week in that town, and if I get it, that would be one more reason to think about taking that step.
I'm trying to decide if I should take birth control or not. Part of me thinks that limiting fertility is a good idea because I don't have to worry while working toward my goals that I might be doing things that could put a baby at risk without knowing I was preggo, like being too strict with diet and work out, or just being overweight, or not having the healthcare I need first. (I'm pretty sure I have gingivitis or gum disease, and I read that it's linked to pre-term births and miscarriage. I wouldn't know if I have any of that though, because I am scared of dentists and haven't been to one in a couple of years.)
Part of me thinks my husband would secretly resent me if I took contraception. He wants babies yesterday. Of course, doesn't it make sense to be ready first? By his logic we aren't getting any younger and we will both be 30 before we have kids, even if we were to get started right now.
Part of me is also afraid of waiting to long and it being too late. That would be the part that constantly hears the tick-tock of my biological clock.
So what should I do? I feel less stressed now just knowing that I've made the decision to focus on exercise and stop focusing on babies. Of course that's easier said than done, because what am I doing right now? Stressing over contraception, which is related to conception. Comments? Suggestions? Advice?