If you see it-please scold it soundly and send it back!
Seriously, I was going to go to the Y today. I didn't. I have plenty of valid reasons (son had a school trip that required being there for the bus to "leave at 5:30"-it didn't leave til after 6. I was up and down since 3am afraid we would oversleep. The drama queen's heart surgery is today) But, let's be honest. They're excuses.
Hence, the 20lb weight gain since I got snowed in back in february. I KNOW I can lose the weight. I KNOW what to do, how to do it, what to eat, etc, etc, ad nauseum.
I COULD have went to the Y after the bus left and worked out then. My swimsuit was in the truck (damp, but in the bag in the truck) and I left my clean spare in my locker with a towel (oand the Y rents towels if you forget one) I was already over halfway there from the house and they open at 5am. I came home for a nap with the intention of getting up and going back for class...um, about that....
And logging? SO hasn't been happening. Watching what I eat? (If I keep my eyes open when I eat a brownie-or 4-does that count as watching?) Yeah.
I keep PLANNING to get back to it. Then STUFF HAPPENS. Like school events (the all-nighter that trashed Mother's Day and today's trip? Oh, and let's not forget All Grades Prom), calls about working (still waiting to hear how the Scottie Dogs sold), and the ever-popular Mama Drama. Oh, and budget juggling, son's birthday coming up Sunday, and Hub's work (or lack of). And market starts the first weekend of june.
I got on the scale the other day and it said 302.2...I about DIED!! Then I realized getting on the scale when you have "really go" is a BAD idea, weighed again in the afternoon and was back to 296. Still VERY unhappy with myself.
It is just SO MUCH EASIER when the budget isn't tighter than a harp string. When I could afford to take myself out for either breakfast before the gym or lunch afterwards, it was easier. And I swear, if one person sends me that "don't reward yourself with food, you are not a dog" I will SCREAM. I really despise that saying. Who decided they had the right to tell me what rewards were "acceptable"???
Don't tell me to reward myself with a movie (cost $9.50 plus transportation) a video (new release rental $5 per night, purchase up to $25) or new clothes (anywhere from $10 for new undies to around 1,000 for a whole wardrobe). I can afford $1 for a brownie ($4 for a container) or $3 for a mocha much easier.
On top of which? I get "that attitude" when people tell me things I already know. You know which attitude I mean. The self destructive "I can't? Want to bet? Watch me." attitude.
Don't start, please. My head already KNOWS. I just have to get the rest of me back in line.
So, the "mama drama" continues. Talked to her Saturday, she has/had pneumonia. Was highly po'd that they were treating her with antibiotic shots and oxygen-at her nursing home. (How DARE they!? She should have been admitted to the hospital, you know. She doesn't get NEARLY enough attention at the nursing home.
Supposedly her surgery is today. No clue what time or anything. I love being the family mushroom (kept in the dark and fed cra*).
I also was apparently supposed to keep son home from trip so he could worry about her all day. Yeah, like that was going to happen? Think again.
And of course, we had to go through the whole "I'm going to be in more pain than anyone else ever has" load of fertilizer-AGAIN. For about the 50th? time (not exaggerating, either!).
I think that's also part of my motivation problem. Any time I talk to her, she has to be negative. And whiney. And wanting attention. And whiney. And trying to get the family fighting again (which is also-NOT HAPPENING). And did I mention WHINEY?
And anything I'm doing positive? Can't possibly compare to what she's accomplishing. "And she has heart failure, you know". AARRGH!!
Like I have no idea what pain is, after having 2 total knee replacements 3 months apart?! Especially when they let me wake up from the first one, totally alert, with NO PAIN MEDS??
And I'm walking? I managed to go to ohio and take care of her in the hospital 6 weeks after the 1st one??
But nothing I do can compare.
The best part? She will brag about me to other people! But she refuses to say anything supportive or nice TO ME. Okay, let me revise that. She will say something "nice", immediately followed by "BUT" and then make a list of what I'm doing wrong.
Is there any wonder I'm struggling?
We'll see what I hear later about her surgery. And I will deal with things then.
Right now? I think I might drag myself to the pool. Okay, I will drag myself to the pool. Honest. I'm getting up to look for shoes now...