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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

First of all I need to get a rant off my chest.

I am seriously considering ending one of my friendships. Over the last couple of months it has become abundantly clear that this one friend is THE most negative person I have ever met and, to be completely honest, I’m getting tired of it.

She sent me a text ‘I’m trying to spend the vouchers I got from work, but there’s nothing I really want except the one dress I actually like, which doesn’t fit’.

I think I was supposed to express sympathy. Instead a barrage of snarky answers flew through my mind.
All my work has ever given me is a threat of redundancy; sort your priorities out.

And so on.
But I’m trying to be a better, nicer, more positive person so instead I tried ‘Ooh why did you get vouchers from work?’

Her answer: 'from a loyalty thing. I’ve had them for a while now but can’t seem to find anything I like. Was hoping going out shopping would make me feel better about things but now just feel kinda crap again’.

By ‘things’ she means the fact that she hasn’t yet had a second date with this guy because his Grandfather is ill so the guy had to travel down to England to be with him. My friend’s comment on this? ‘I hope he’s not lying. I’m cursing the universe right now; I really liked him!’

Part of me wants to bang my head against a brick wall. Part of me wants to shake her. But the biggest part of me wants to just walk away and find some happier people to make friends with.
Right now I’m not, mentally and emotionally and many other ‘ally’s, in a place to deal with people whose biggest life crisis is not being able to buy a nice dress.

But (bringing me neatly to my next point) I think I’m getting there.

You may have seen that advert for Twinings tea; there’s a woman in a rowing boat being thrown around by a storm. Just when you think she’s going to capsize, some birds appear and pull the boat to a quiet bit of sea by a beach. On the beach is standing the same woman, and they join together into the one happy woman, with the caption 'gets you back to you’.

For the last 6 months I’ve been out in the storm with nothing but a rowing boat. My Grandma died, my Mum and sister had a massive falling out, my Dad was told he has no work after July this year, then my Nanna died and the day after her funeral I found out I could be made redundant. I really thought I was going to capsize. My diet, my fitness, my friendships, my hobbies, everything went out the window as I basically curled into a ball and hoped the nasty would go away.

But now, just today, I feel like I’m finally out of the storm and into that calm water. Every day so far this week I’ve got up early to get my exercise in before work. I’ve cooked from scratch nearly every single meal I’ve eaten. I’m holding a bake sale on Friday to raise a bit more money for my race on Sunday and so far I’ve only had one small bit of everything, to make sure it tastes okay. I’ve slipped up a couple of times food-wise, but this time I didn’t let it derail me and I got right back to being healthy.
Last night, instead of hiding away in my flat, I went round to a friend’s house for a cup of tea and a chat. On Saturday I’m going to a HUGE leaving party for one of the guys at salsa, and I will not stand in a corner for an hour before leaving quickly; I am going to talk to people and get back into the salsa circle again.

They sound like such little things. But that is a list of things I seriously thought I could never face doing again, and I’m doing them day after day.

I’m not yet on the beach, joining that one part of me I thought I’d lost. But I can see her. And she’s getting closer.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Big emoticon
    1605 days ago
  • DANI_27
    Keep being positive and things will work out. As for the friend, I've been in the same boat. Sometimes you have to cut people out of your life for your own sanity. Good luck!!! emoticon
    1608 days ago
    Life is too short to waste on people who don't make you happy. And way to go for moving forward instead of staying in the fetal position!
    1608 days ago
    1608 days ago
    After a "strorm" we evaluate things under a different perspective... Do what is best for you, but explain to your friend what happened; don't simply disappear... It will help her become a better person, or she will ignore you and you'll know that you made the best choice by staying away.
    1608 days ago
    Sometimes you can't appreciate the beach half as well as when you've been through the storm to get there. Enjoy the calm and soak up the sun while you can! emoticon
    1608 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    1609 days ago
  • FIREFLY4407
    I know it's been a challenging few months - you should be very proud if yourself for never giving up on yourself, for not throwing away all the great progress you've made, and for picking back up on your healthy lifestyle. You deserve to make yourself a priority, and to have relationships that are positive and rewarding.
    1609 days ago
  • PKBOO3
    My mom's death made me realize that material things aren't important. At least for a while, I felt that way. But then I realized that material things can also be a gift or a blessing too. When my dad died, I felt like, "Now what?". But then life goes on. So I expect you are in a temporary grief phase. They say grief comes in steps like sadness, then anger, then acceptance, or something like that. Hopefully, you are coming into the acceptance stage and your life can get back to that comfortable stage. And then back to being happy. As for your friend, wonder if you can let her know, in a tactful way, that she needs to realize what is important and what is trivial. But if you truthfully no longer want her friendship, then as everyone is saying, it's easy to distance yourself.
    1609 days ago
  • NEEDBU66
    You are right on track. You sound like you are doing all the right things. Definately do not need to make the nay-sayer one of your go to gals any more. I hope you find another you at the Salsa going away party, but if you don't, keep looking.
    1609 days ago
    Sounds like you are finding your balance and calm water again. I like that description. Good for you! Keep it up! Today I feel like I'm in the middle of the storm and just trying to stay above water, so it's great to read about someone finding the calm again! Have fun at the salsa party!!
    1609 days ago
    Glad to hear you are re-immersing yourself fully in your life. Regarding the friend, while I pride myself on my loyalty, I have come to realize that some friendships are not serving me as well as they should. One "dangerous" side effect of weight loss is that you start holding yourself -- and others -- to higher standards. You deserve good, loyal, true friends and if you feel this friend doesn't fit the bill, it may be time to start "drifting apart." Don't return calls promptly. Decline plans she proposes half the time she asks and don't propose new plans yourself. Friends drift apart all the time, you can do it without too many hurt feelings.
    1609 days ago
    I know you have had a rough time lately, I am glad to see the storm clouds are beginning to clear for you. I too have had friends like that and I quietly ended my friendships with them. I can't be the mean person, so I just don't contact them and make sure I have other plans when they want to do something.
    1609 days ago
  • VCOOTS61
    Great blog! Though you are clearly going through so much tragedy in your personal life, you've found ways to pull yourself thru it and not only find the beach but I see a rainbow in your future!

    Dump the negative friend if it makes YOU happier. This is your time! Take care of yourself and let her find someone else to make miserable.

    Keep your chin up girl!
    1609 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I had (HAD) friends like that, actually I call them acquaintances,(dumped them), real friends are not that selfish, negative and mistrusting.
    With all the horrid things that have happened to you, you are STILL less snarky and negative than your "friend".
    I think you are just regrouping, starting to look around and see a light at the end of your tunnel.
    Worrying about your Dad and Mum, etc, can never change anything, , being the best self that you can, will change something..
    You may meet another person, not necessarily romantic, maybe just a friend,,
    Anybody at that party looking for a walking buddy, workout buddy? You have nothing to lose.. go for it!! I saw your picture, you are so pretty and have a great smile.. you will cheer up a room if you have a happy attitude!! DO IT!
    1609 days ago
  • SWP0213
    Isn't it interesting how we sometimes just "wake up" to the habits of other people in our lives? Just going along, day to day, and then at some point it hits you that you actually have a CHOICE about who is in your life and who isn't? I've been there. And sometimes, cutting them out (or at least cutting back) is the best thing you can do for yourself.

    Hang in there... make the decision that is right for you, and don't feel bad about it. Glad things are looking up for you!
    1609 days ago
    Hey, I'm so sorry for all the storms that have been raging around you, especially with your Grandma and Nanna. Praying that your dad finds work, and that your work is safe (I guess you didn't get offered the job you interviewed for recently?).

    Good luck with your bake sale, and your run. Keep being positive for yourself, and don't feel bad about distancing yourself from Nelly Negative.

    Hugs for you xx
    1609 days ago
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