Wednesday, May 22, 2013
First of all I need to get a rant off my chest.
I am seriously considering ending one of my friendships. Over the last couple of months it has become abundantly clear that this one friend is THE most negative person I have ever met and, to be completely honest, Iím getting tired of it.
She sent me a text ĎIím trying to spend the vouchers I got from work, but thereís nothing I really want except the one dress I actually like, which doesnít fití.
I think I was supposed to express sympathy. Instead a barrage of snarky answers flew through my mind.
All my work has ever given me is a threat of redundancy; sort your priorities out.
And so on.
But Iím trying to be a better, nicer, more positive person so instead I tried ĎOoh why did you get vouchers from work?í
Her answer: 'from a loyalty thing. Iíve had them for a while now but canít seem to find anything I like. Was hoping going out shopping would make me feel better about things but now just feel kinda crap againí.
By Ďthingsí she means the fact that she hasnít yet had a second date with this guy because his Grandfather is ill so the guy had to travel down to England to be with him. My friendís comment on this? ĎI hope heís not lying. Iím cursing the universe right now; I really liked him!í
Part of me wants to bang my head against a brick wall. Part of me wants to shake her. But the biggest part of me wants to just walk away and find some happier people to make friends with.
Right now Iím not, mentally and emotionally and many other Ďallyís, in a place to deal with people whose biggest life crisis is not being able to buy a nice dress.
But (bringing me neatly to my next point) I think Iím getting there.
You may have seen that advert for Twinings tea; thereís a woman in a rowing boat being thrown around by a storm. Just when you think sheís going to capsize, some birds appear and pull the boat to a quiet bit of sea by a beach. On the beach is standing the same woman, and they join together into the one happy woman, with the caption 'gets you back to youí.
For the last 6 months Iíve been out in the storm with nothing but a rowing boat. My Grandma died, my Mum and sister had a massive falling out, my Dad was told he has no work after July this year, then my Nanna died and the day after her funeral I found out I could be made redundant. I really thought I was going to capsize. My diet, my fitness, my friendships, my hobbies, everything went out the window as I basically curled into a ball and hoped the nasty would go away.
But now, just today, I feel like Iím finally out of the storm and into that calm water. Every day so far this week Iíve got up early to get my exercise in before work. Iíve cooked from scratch nearly every single meal Iíve eaten. Iím holding a bake sale on Friday to raise a bit more money for my race on Sunday and so far Iíve only had one small bit of everything, to make sure it tastes okay. Iíve slipped up a couple of times food-wise, but this time I didnít let it derail me and I got right back to being healthy.
Last night, instead of hiding away in my flat, I went round to a friendís house for a cup of tea and a chat. On Saturday Iím going to a HUGE leaving party for one of the guys at salsa, and I will not stand in a corner for an hour before leaving quickly; I am going to talk to people and get back into the salsa circle again.
They sound like such little things. But that is a list of things I seriously thought I could never face doing again, and Iím doing them day after day.
Iím not yet on the beach, joining that one part of me I thought Iíd lost. But I can see her. And sheís getting closer.