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Heavy Heart

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Hi Everyone. The date has been set. We will assist our Precious Javk over the Rainbow Bridge at 11 AM on Thursday. Anthony is taking the day off so we can be together. Jack is having a really bad day today, so I know we are doing the right thing, but oh God, it hurts so bad! As it turns out for the next 2 semesters I will be teaching online classes from home and I just don't know how I will do it without my sweet boy slapping me on the leg to remind me to give up on work for awhile and play! No more toe nails tapping on the wood floors! No bark startling barks to remind me to check outside! No more warm snuggles.... Tail wagging welcomes home.... Slobbery doggie kisses.... It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Also, Dad is getting very depressed and his roommate is nearing time to go home. Dad will be more alone without Tom and Tom's terrific wife, Pam there. Dad is refusing to shower now. This is very weird. He says they just spray him off like a cow. That may have happened, but I told him it may have been the one aid who did that and he should give them another try. Today he actually had body odor. Plus, his hand stays curled so it gets funky smelling too. He doesn't seem to be making progress and I'm afraid it is due to his depression and frustration.

I wish I could fix everyone. I know better, but I wish I could. While I'm at it, why don't I cure cancer and solve world hunger?

I just have a heavy heart. I need to help Jack to the living room so I can feed him. Thank you all. Keep those encouraging words and prayers coming! We all need them!
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  • FISHER011
    Bless you & yours. You, your dad & jack...will be in my thoughts & prayers.
    1250 days ago
    I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to lose your fur baby, but it will help poor Jack and he will always be in your heart. I hope your father feels better soon.
    1253 days ago
    My heart goes out to you; you have a lot to deal with right now. I hope it helps to know how many people are sending good thoughts and wishes your way. Don't let the frustration and sadness take over. Jack knows how much you love him, and you helped him have a good and happy life. Your dad is, in his own way, trying to have some control over his life at a time when there is little he can actually control. That's understandable. I also know from personal experience how impersonal and inhumane such bathing situations can feel. Perhaps you can get him to tell you what alternative he would be happy with. By giving him the opportunity to have some say in the situation you may gain some cooperation from him. As frustrating as it all is, we simply can't control everything or fix everything no matter how much we would like to. You are stronger than you know, and you WILL make it through this. Remember to take care of yourself.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1253 days ago
    Melissa, I'm thinking of you today. Many prayers.
    1253 days ago
    I just said farewell to my darling William only 3 months ago - I held him as he passed from this world to the next. Jack isn't moving on - he will be forever in your heart and will pull tears and joy when you think of him for a long time to come. You are not alone - and you ARE a good doggie parent - we often overlook being humane to ourselves when we are to our pets. Share hugs and stories and love, and he will always be in your heart.
    1253 days ago
    Melissa, my heart is heavy for you. As the pet mom of 3, I know how much our furry-babies are a part of the family. Jack really won the doggy-lotto when he found a human mom who loves and cares for him so much. Praying for you all in ths difficult time.
    1253 days ago
    Melissa, my heart goes out to you as you go through this difficult time with Jack.

    In regards to your day I see you have received several great suggestions and hope something can be worked out. I always feel it is so important to treat persons in care with dignity and it sounds like your dad is struggling with that when it comes to his showers. Hope that if he is truly falling into a depression that it is recognized and treated so he'll stay motivated with any therapies and rehab.

    Keeping you thoughts and prayers as always.
    1254 days ago
  • 2BEHEALTHY2014

    I am so very sorry that you are going through all of this. My heart is full of sadness for you, Anthony, your dad, and Jack. I am praying for all of you.
    1254 days ago
    My heart is heavy for you. I have had this happen to my pets in the past too so I know exactly what you are going through. We are here for you so don't let this depress you into some unhealthy choices. I know the comfort food can bring, but it won't change what you are going through right now.

    1254 days ago
    Melissa, you know I'm praying for you, Anthony, Jack, and your Dad! I'm so sorry you have to go through this all! I know God is beside you, so please lean on him... he'll help you through this all. HUGS!

    As for your Dad, I feel your pain. I remember my grandmother saying the same thing about them washing her. My Mom use to do it for her to help. Can he sort of clean up himself in his bed with some water in a bucket... or is their a friend who maybe could help him. At least he can clean some of himself to help with the smell and do the nurse's shower here and there. Or can you talk to them and see if there is anything else they can do to help him, since that "spray down" isn't working?!?! Talk to them and hopefully you'll find someone who will care and help. Tell they you are worried about his depression... call his doctor?!!? Just throwing out ideas. Best of luck! I'll be praying!

    HUGS to you, Anthony and little Jack! Love you all!
    1254 days ago
    Melissa -- You are in my heart and prayers as you face tomorrow. So sorry that you have to endure this pain -- all of us at the "Dog House" are with you in spirit. When it is time, your precious dog will send another buddy to love -- I truly believe that they do this. You have so many situations going on right now, especially with your father. Ask to speak to a social worker about your father's future -- medical care is primary, but you need some help with finding better care facilities and maybe a counselor for your loved one. Insist that they maintain his personal care and engage him in activities. Hang in there girl -- you aren't alone! No one should feel afraid or threatened if they are recovering from a major event such as a stroke. You can also call or contact Senior Services in your area. There are support groups and ombudsmen to assist you. Keeping busy and not being alone at your house without Jack would be better -- focus on your father's recovery. He is still in the "healing stage" -- he can go on to live a good life even with some residual loss of movement.
    1254 days ago
    I'm so sorry Melissa. Seems it's been one thing after another for you lately. Try, as difficult as it may be, to only focus on those precious memories. For a while it may seem as nothing will help the pain you feel. But in time those sweet memories will bring more and more joy. Thinking of you and praying that the Lord will comfort you as only He can. Hugs, Bev
    1254 days ago
    I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's always so hard to lose our pets. ((hugs))
    1255 days ago
    oh, I feel for you. I lost 2 cats less than a year apart. I was going through old clothes and found an old shirt that must have been laid on by my was covered in orange cat fur. I burst out crying, and it's been over 2 years. It is so hard to lose a pet, a member of the family. Do something special to memorialize him and don't get another dog right away. Take time to mourn him, and if you do decide to get another dog, really try to get one that is very different from him...otherwise you will be comparing them all the time and the new dog won't stand a chance.

    As far as your dad, have they looked into any bracing to help prevent the hand from curling? Or taught you or him how to stretch it?

    I am thinking of you and praying that you find some peace with your decision.
    1255 days ago
  • HICIM705
    Keep blogging, Melissa - maybe, in some VERY small way - that will help you.

    I'm thinking of you and will continue to think of you . . .especially on Thursday.
    1255 days ago
    I think about you often and my heart breaks for you. You are doing all you can. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. I'm with you in spirit!

    1255 days ago
    1255 days ago
    ((Hugs)) I've made that final trip with 4-legged loved ones many times myself. Never gets any easier.
    1255 days ago
    Melissa, my heart is heavy for you! I continue to pray for you and your family!

    1255 days ago
    I wish I could fix it for you too. You are doing the right thing by your baby boy.
    1255 days ago
    1255 days ago
    Melissa, as much as we would all love to be able to fix everything for everyone we know it is not possible. Take care of yourself. Cry, throw things, break things, whatever will help. Just know that you will be in the hearts and prayers of many many people who love you!!!

    1255 days ago
  • LINDAF49
    Uplifting you in love and prayer as you prepare your heart for this huge loss. Praying strength and courage over you and Anthony as you bid farewell to Jack. I have made a note to be praying through the day for you and will know that all is well with your heart though it is broken. You are doing what is right and good and God is right there beside you understanding and comforting with peace that passes understanding.

    Such gentle hugs and crying with you. I've walked this path once and it is different for each of us and yet so similar in other ways...I still catch my breath when I see another like my Snoopy dog and think again of the joy and the grief of our furbabies. God's peace.
    Linda in Washington
    1255 days ago
    I know your pain we had to put our Buddy down a few months ago. I still miss him. We made a mistake and got a 9 month old puppy a month after and it is too soon. Thought he would be like him but oh no. She is so energetic, we are not used to that.
    I hope your heavy heart heals quickly and good luck on your journey
    1255 days ago
    Don't forget to take care of yourself so you can help everyone else! And, give your hubby lots of hugs and hold him close. You will get through this together.
    1255 days ago

    I am sorry for your heavy heart.. and us fixers do want to fix it all. I will be keeping You, Anthony, Jack , and your Dad in my thoughts..

    I can not say I know how you feel , but I can let you know I am thinking of you and wishing you Joy in your wonderful memories of your dear Jack.

    1255 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/21/2013 8:12:17 PM
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