Tuesday, May 21, 2013
I've taken off the last 2 afternoons from work to spend time at the kids school for field days. Jake had his Monday and Kat's was today. I hardly get to spend anytime with the kids at school because I work full time, so I try to take off for things like this.
We live in a small town and the entire elementary school is made up of maybe 500 kids. So the kids you go to pre-school with, are the kids you'll be graduating with. Because of that, I do "know" some of the parents. Both yesterday AND today I've had, lets call it, "Holly's new life" encounters with a few of them.
Being in a town this small, when you go for a jog, people see you. Especially when they're out running on a Saturday morning. Three different parents on two different days, said I should go running with them some time. HUH?!? I'm sorry, are you talking to me?!?
Immediately, I started having all these negative thoughts and thinking of a million reasons to say no. I'm too slow... I'm too fat... they all go out in these cute little running skirts and tank tops, and I'm plodding along in capris and ANYTHING that will cover my arms... and most of all, why would THEY want to run with ME???
Then my "new" self told my "old" self to SHUT UP! They've seen you out there, they know how slow you are. Why wouldn't they want to, our kids are friends, and have been since pre-k. And seriously, if they really didn't want to, they never would have even asked. It's not like you're running now, and they ran up beside you and HAD to say something to be nice...
WHEN will I realize that this IS my new life? WHEN will it be ok, to accept the fact that other people think of me as an active person. I think because I'm still in "weight loss" mode (I think) that any exercise I do has a purpose. I'm not just running because it's "part of my life." I'm doing it to lose weight. When I look at those other woman, who are all fit and tiny, and running, it can't be because they want to change their lives. In my mind, they're doing it because they're fit and tiny, and well, because they can... does that even make sense?
I don't know their stories, maybe they were overweight at one time. Maybe they do it to stay in shape now, so they don't get fat. Who knows WHY they do it, I just know that they asked me to do it with them. I need to figure out how I can live my new life WITH others, and not just for myself.