Okay, so I just discovered notes attached to goodies that people have sent me--and some of the goodies were given to me years ago, literally! So yesterday and today I read the notes, and one note attached to a goodie given to me said that the Sparker was encouraged by my blog "today." That date was 5/25/2011. So I read the blog and I had to take note: in that blog I talked about my new decision to give away goodies to people as a way of motivating myself. That was two full years ago, almost to the very day. What's funny is that for the last two weeks, I have been giving out goodies for that very reason, not realizing that I started (and dropped) this mission two years ago! (I haven't been on spark much in the last two years.) It has been on my mind and on my mind, as I off and on hop onto spark looking for motivation and help to end my poor-eating lifestyle, so I made a mental commitment last week to give away sparkgoodies, and I even added it to my "other goals" to help push me to do it. The fact that I was urged to do this two years ago is no coincidence to me. I think maybe God was telling me to do it then, and maybe is telling me to do it now.
I think that part of the reason that I eat the way that I do is because of the way I grew up: my family did not have lots of money, but we had lots of people at home: six kids and two parents. So there were no seconds at dinner, and when my parents bought a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, splitting it between 8 people meant that none of us got much--especially if my parents got "adult" portions, lol! So as I began to earn or acquire my own money (e.g., choosing to walk home from school and keep my bus fare for myself!), I spent it on food and clothes (we also shared some clothes, and my mother sewed a lot). I had as much of whatever treats I wanted when I had money, and I can even recall as a young adult eating to mask discomfort in crowds, just to show that I had it and I could--even if it was just sticking a lollipop in my mouth. What I also remember is being stingy to my siblings. I could have gone to the grocery store and bought a full pound or two of cherries, and I refused to share. Of course, I did the same thing with candy, cookies, and ice cream, and whatever other junk I chose to buy with my money. Even if it was more than I could eat (I can literally remember not being able to eat an entire pint of ice cream!), I would not share. I did not have to. And I wanted as much as I wanted. I believe that all of this, and more, created monstrous habits for me.
Maybe the fix, God could be telling me, includes me focusing more on giving. While I can gladly say that I am not generally a stingy person, I do think that the covetous or "protective" habits I created with food and "things" because of the lack I experienced as a child still rears its ugly head: I always look for sales, I make sure that money and property are properly expended/divided/accounted for, I consider whether or not giving is a "waste," and so on. While all of this can be good in lots of situations, again, I believe it also has its cons, like creating the eating monster, lol! So if I can start with something simple that I just give freely without having to "consider" the "waste," like sparkgoodies--why else do we have the points???--maybe it will cause me to stress less about holding onto other things, like food: I don't HAVE to buy 20 bags of post-holiday candy because I got them at a great price!
So don't be surprised if you receive a sparkgoodie from me, whether we are friends or not. I am on a mission to change, and this prompting to give, I believe, will be a great help to me. See you soon!