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    GOLOPTIOUS   22,883
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Self-Charity

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

For the past several weeks, I've been helping my family plan a benefit for my cousin's husband. He was diagnosed with ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) a while ago. ALL is usually found in children, so doctors pretty much experimented with different ways to treat him. After a while and a lot of chemo and a bone marrow transplant, things were looking good and he was in remission. Then about two months ago he felt sick - not cancer sick, but he had a cold. It lasted several days, so he went in to get checked and it turned out that the cancer was back in full force. He went through chemo again. It wasn't working. Somehow he got into a program that was running an experimental treatment. It seems as though the treatment has worked and if he can stay in remission for a few more weeks, he will have another bone marrow transplant.

He is young - in his twenties. He has a little baby who's probably 2 or 3. He has an amazing family both on his side and his wife's.

I don't know how much we raised last night money-wise, but I do know that a lot of lives were touched. We had a talent show and a silent auction as well as a raffle. People in the community donated some amazing things. There were spa days and gym memberships and watches and paintings and even a helicopter ride. Yoda even contributed some training sessions!

Last night, I learned something. When it comes to other people, I LOVE helping them. I will go out of my way to do things for them. I will spend hours planning and I'll spend money that I barely have.

But when it comes to me, I give up on myself. I don't work as hard.

Cancer is ABSOLUTELY a bigger problem than my weight. Don't get me wrong. But in my own life, I'm dealing with obesity. And I'm not winning.

Last night was tough. We were there for hours. When it came time to head home I realized I was very hungry.

I had things to make at home - healthy things even!

But no, fast food it was. Also, there was Dr. Pepper. And cookies.

So why is it that to me, food is no big deal? It doesn't matter what I eat. In fact, I consider junk food to be a reward.

It's killing me. Slowly and yummily, true, but it is still killing me. I know this and yet for some reason I've decided that junk food is just so yummy that I don't care. I figure I'll change tomorrow. I'll do better tomorrow. I'll work it off tomorrow.

But tomorrow never gets here. There's always an excuse for another tomorrow. I'm sick. I'm busy. My family wants to grab something fast. It's easier.

We have benefits for people with cancer, people who've been in accidents, people who have serious medical conditions, people who generally need help. We send our love and time and money and blankets and blood and tears to those in need.

I am all for that. I think that when a person is in a position to help another in need, following through on that help is the purest form of love. There's no reward. There's no recognition. It's an act that shows our truest selves.

So why don't I help myself??? It would be easier than most of the things I do. It would take less time. It would actually improve my life. It would save me money on healthcare and food. It would prolong my life. All it would take is the sacrifice of something that is actually killing me.

KILLING ME!

Do you hear that, self?????

YOU'RE MAKING DECISIONS THAT ARE KILLING ME.

I'll keep helping others. I'll keep giving my time and energy and money into that because I'm in a position where I can.

But I'm also making myself my own charity case. Every day, I'm sending me a care package. I'm sending me my love and tears and sweat. I'm sending me fruits and vegetables and Yoda. I'm supporting and standing with me.

I'm worth it.

So are all of you.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUTUMNBRZ 5/22/2013 11:01AM

    emoticon

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APED7969 5/21/2013 5:49PM

    I'm sorry to hear about your cousin's husband. My co-worker who was also a good friend was diagnosed with ALL 2.5 years ago at the age of 43. Unfortunately they couldn't find a bone marrow match and did a stem cell transplant that caused her liver to shut down and she passed away 5 months after diagnosis. I hope your cousin's husband fares much better, it sounds like he has so far. The reason I mention that story is that her death was a major factor in getting me to start losing weight. I realised that life is too short to be fat and unhappy. And while I'm not at my goal weight/size yet I am happy with how I look and enjoy all the physical activity I can do. It can be so hard to get started but so worth it. I hope your tomorrow comes soon.

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MADZOE 5/21/2013 2:41PM

    Thanks as always for sharing. I KNOW you have it in you to provide yourself this courtesy, kindness, love. We just get derailed sometimes. Welcome back to you.

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LYNSEY723 5/21/2013 2:06PM

    Fantastic blog! I know you can do this!

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BONOLICIOUS2 5/21/2013 1:16PM

    Awesome blog. VERY TRUE STUFF!

It can be all too easy to put everyone and everything before ourselves, but at the end of it all - WE are all we have! We only get one body! (As long as science doesn't figure out some crazy business). We have to take care of US! Thanks for the reminder!

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SWP0213 5/21/2013 12:00PM

    Amazing blog. Thank you.

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STFRENCH 5/21/2013 11:21AM

    Sometimes it pays to be a little selfish, in the best way possible - you have to put yourself first sometimes, for your own good emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 5/21/2013 11:10AM

    My latest discovery: Dropping bread/wheat/gluten gets rid of cravings.
Be good to yourself.
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TORIAMAE 5/21/2013 11:09AM

    Habits can be powerful and hard to break. I have friends who aren't tempted by fast food at all...it would not occur to them to go to any fast food restaurant. Why? They don't consider it yummy but toxic. They don't consider it a reward, but a slow poisoning like you are describing.

I am trying to shift my attitudes in that direction as well. I've started by shortening the list of fast food choices I would even consider. If I am having drive through, there are very few items I would consider. My goal is to get that list down to nothing, so I am one of those people I envy now: someone who isn't even tempted. Someone who looks at McDonald's like it's not even there. Someone who won't even try their amazing organic coffee, no matter how much cheaper it is because it's MCDONALD'S and why on earth would I go there?

Way to go on paying more attention to yourself. You are right: you deserve it!

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