Tuesday, May 21, 2013
For the past several weeks, I've been helping my family plan a benefit for my cousin's husband. He was diagnosed with ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) a while ago. ALL is usually found in children, so doctors pretty much experimented with different ways to treat him. After a while and a lot of chemo and a bone marrow transplant, things were looking good and he was in remission. Then about two months ago he felt sick - not cancer sick, but he had a cold. It lasted several days, so he went in to get checked and it turned out that the cancer was back in full force. He went through chemo again. It wasn't working. Somehow he got into a program that was running an experimental treatment. It seems as though the treatment has worked and if he can stay in remission for a few more weeks, he will have another bone marrow transplant.
He is young - in his twenties. He has a little baby who's probably 2 or 3. He has an amazing family both on his side and his wife's.
I don't know how much we raised last night money-wise, but I do know that a lot of lives were touched. We had a talent show and a silent auction as well as a raffle. People in the community donated some amazing things. There were spa days and gym memberships and watches and paintings and even a helicopter ride. Yoda even contributed some training sessions!
Last night, I learned something. When it comes to other people, I LOVE helping them. I will go out of my way to do things for them. I will spend hours planning and I'll spend money that I barely have.
But when it comes to me, I give up on myself. I don't work as hard.
Cancer is ABSOLUTELY a bigger problem than my weight. Don't get me wrong. But in my own life, I'm dealing with obesity. And I'm not winning.
Last night was tough. We were there for hours. When it came time to head home I realized I was very hungry.
I had things to make at home - healthy things even!
But no, fast food it was. Also, there was Dr. Pepper. And cookies.
So why is it that to me, food is no big deal? It doesn't matter what I eat. In fact, I consider junk food to be a reward.
It's killing me. Slowly and yummily, true, but it is still killing me. I know this and yet for some reason I've decided that junk food is just so yummy that I don't care. I figure I'll change tomorrow. I'll do better tomorrow. I'll work it off tomorrow.
But tomorrow never gets here. There's always an excuse for another tomorrow. I'm sick. I'm busy. My family wants to grab something fast. It's easier.
We have benefits for people with cancer, people who've been in accidents, people who have serious medical conditions, people who generally need help. We send our love and time and money and blankets and blood and tears to those in need.
I am all for that. I think that when a person is in a position to help another in need, following through on that help is the purest form of love. There's no reward. There's no recognition. It's an act that shows our truest selves.
So why don't I help myself??? It would be easier than most of the things I do. It would take less time. It would actually improve my life. It would save me money on healthcare and food. It would prolong my life. All it would take is the sacrifice of something that is actually killing me.
Do you hear that, self?????
YOU'RE MAKING DECISIONS THAT ARE KILLING ME.
I'll keep helping others. I'll keep giving my time and energy and money into that because I'm in a position where I can.
But I'm also making myself my own charity case. Every day, I'm sending me a care package. I'm sending me my love and tears and sweat. I'm sending me fruits and vegetables and Yoda. I'm supporting and standing with me.
I'm worth it.
So are all of you.