Tuesday, May 21, 2013
" In the mountains of truth, you never climb in vain. Either you already reach a higher point today , or you exercise your strength in order to be able to climb higher tomorrow. " Friedrich Nietzsche
Truth be told I didn't exercise yesterday. I like to say it was because I had a 4 o'clock pacemaker check appointment and I get out of work at 33o and then there was not enough time. But that would be a lie because I could most certainly have gone later. This does not also explain why my walk never happened either.
Truth be said I missed mostly because I was sad. Sad that my father-in-law passed. Sad that my co-workers never cared. No card, flowers or show ,no sorry for your loss. That was hard to bare.
I realized something startling and hurtful as I sat in a room full of my father-in-laws 300 friends. I had no friends. Yes I have you guys and I love you. But my phone never rings for invites to coffee. My mailbox is always empty .I have stood alone for a very long time.
There must be something I do or say that chases people away. There has to be something inherently wrong with me. There has to be something I am missing.
So now that I have uncovered a hard truth I have to go about and fix it so I can climb higher. Just like the game of Survivor I have to somehow fit in. As no one was at work yesterday I will start with my co-workers. I will ask how there weekend was ,how their families are, and I will try not to talk about me.
I will try to smile and say hi to new people and get them to talk . I won't sit around today and be sad . I will reach out and be open and make myself have a better day. Truth be told whether I have a better day or not really is up to me. A walk is in order tonight no matter how I feel . Walking always chases the blues away.
This weekend I plan on being on higher happier ground. I hope to see you there.