Monday, May 20, 2013
So today I ate
a bowl of chex cereal for breakfast
50 oz of water throughout the day
a salad consisting of 1 string cheese, lettuce, 6 grape tomatoes, half a cucumber and some ranch dressing for lunch
Then... I went to Target. Split a bag of popcorn with my son. Skipped the iced caramel macchiato I wanted. I wasn't doing bad even though I felt guilty about the popcorn.
Then I got home and ate 3 string cheeses and a tortilla. Total binge.
For dinner I ate rice with tamari sauce, 3 fish sticks, some tofu with ginger, some mushrooms and broccoli. My Dad made it that's the only reason I didn't eat a bowl of noodles with cheddar cheese grated over it.
So that was my food day. I made 2 good choices, a salad for lunch and no caramel macchiato from Starbucks.
I have this amazing little 4 yr old boy who I want to be able to show how to be good to himself. How am I going to do this when I don't know how to be good to myself?
I'm addicted to food. I've lost it. I hate constantly thinking about food and then thinking about how food makes me hate myself. I also hate that I depend on my looks for how I feel about myself. My self worth is based on how I look. It's disgusting! and my pants are tight.
I'm sorry if complaining makes you want to say whatever but this is my only place to vent for now.