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    MAKING140BY40   6,450
SparkPoints
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints
 
 
I'm here. Day 2

Monday, May 20, 2013

So today I ate
a bowl of chex cereal for breakfast
50 oz of water throughout the day
a salad consisting of 1 string cheese, lettuce, 6 grape tomatoes, half a cucumber and some ranch dressing for lunch
Then... I went to Target. Split a bag of popcorn with my son. Skipped the iced caramel macchiato I wanted. I wasn't doing bad even though I felt guilty about the popcorn.

Then I got home and ate 3 string cheeses and a tortilla. Total binge.
For dinner I ate rice with tamari sauce, 3 fish sticks, some tofu with ginger, some mushrooms and broccoli. My Dad made it that's the only reason I didn't eat a bowl of noodles with cheddar cheese grated over it.

So that was my food day. I made 2 good choices, a salad for lunch and no caramel macchiato from Starbucks.

Ugh.

I have this amazing little 4 yr old boy who I want to be able to show how to be good to himself. How am I going to do this when I don't know how to be good to myself?

I'm addicted to food. I've lost it. I hate constantly thinking about food and then thinking about how food makes me hate myself. I also hate that I depend on my looks for how I feel about myself. My self worth is based on how I look. It's disgusting! and my pants are tight.

I'm sorry if complaining makes you want to say whatever but this is my only place to vent for now.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENSAWIP 5/22/2013 11:06AM

    It's hard not to beat ourselves up, isn't it? I fight the same thing. Try making a conscious effort to stop your inner voice and start talking to yourself like you would a friend. Would you despise a friend that was having the same struggle? Probably not, you'd probably try to be supportive. You deserve the same treatment, remember that! But you will have to retrain your brain.

Now, you know what I see when I look at your food diary? You're underfeeding yourself! You're eating food that's not that lasting or satisfying, so when you got home, you were legitimately starving! I suggest using the menu plan that you can get for free in your SP Nutrition Tracker or getting the SP Cookbook and following the 2 week plan in the back. If you don't get good, filling "bang for your buck" when it comes to the food, you will set yourself up for defeat. And we don't want that! You're doing great with your water, so keep that up!

Keep us posted on your progress!
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CBAILEYC 5/21/2013 11:02AM

    Vent away! You're not alone, there are many of us here who feel the same way.

Every day we make decisions. You will keep making better and better ones. Be proud of your good decisions, and be determined to make even more today.

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C~

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