Sunday, May 19, 2013
I have just a few minutes before my friend is supposed to arrive for dinner so this may be quick!
Unfortunately I didn't do too well with the unstructured time yesterday, but so far today has been ok even though I haven't gotten much work done. For some reason today I've been completely exhausted...I went to try an orienteering event the first half of the day with another friend, and felt winded just walking around less than a mile! I'm not really sure what's up with that, but it kind of made me upset. I was also going to wake up early to go on a run because I haven't run this weekend and wanted to, but again, I felt so fatigued that I did not. I'm trying to just accept that I'm feeling this way today and not get down on myself for it (admittedly I really am having a hard time with this), but it's pretty depressing to feel so weak. I know I got plenty of sleep too (I even took a nap this afternoon), so it's not that. Maybe it's allergies. Whatever it is, I'm not happy with it!
Ok, time to try and change my mindset again...
+ Yesterday I did actually go to work at a coffeeshop for 3 hours. I wanted to spend at least 6 hours on research stuff yesterday, but ok, at least I did something. That is better than nothing.
+ I had fun trying a new activity (orienteering) with my friend this morning. I haven't seen her in a while so it was good to catch up, and I'm so grateful she wanted to go and try orienteering with me even though our more experienced friend who was supposed to go with us ended up being busy and couldn't go!
+ I'm really trying hard to just let my body rest. I am fighting a LOT of negative thoughts about how I should be doing x and how I'm a failure for not doing it, stressing about the consequences of not doing x hours of work, etc. I'm glad I'm coming here to try and process it a bit rather than automatically bingeing or something. I'm struggling, but at least I haven't given up.