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    MAKING140BY40   6,450
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints

Well...did it again. Gained it all back.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

As of today I weight 275 point something or other. So disappointed. And still don't even really want to do something about it. My mind says I've got to though. Yet I allow food to be something I choose to be more important than me, how I feel about me.

I got down to 223. I was feeling so amazing. So strong. In control. Confident, even a little sexy here and there. I let it go. Am I scared? I am lazy that is a fact. I do not like to cook or prepare food. I am a lazy cook and everything bad for you is so easy to make. I try to get used to vegetables but they don't keep my attention for long or even taste that great to me. Fruit? Forget about it, do not like the stuff. Oranges are okay.

So I think start small...start with water drink 8 cups. I do that for a few days and quit.

Ugh. So I've decided to just start blogging on here. Write down my food day. Be honest. Once I make a mistake, which is something I make up, I have so many judgments on what is right for me and what is wrong. I always give up. Right now I have no desire to change my food, keep track of my food. I just want to eat whatever and do whatever. At the same time I do this I continue to hate me and my body. So eat right or eat wrong. I make it hard. I need to make another choice.

Today I have eaten a tuna sandwich with lettuce and a handful of chips.
I'm about to drink some bolthouse vanilla chai tea while I clean. Today is cleaning day.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MSJESSPDX 6/18/2013 9:55AM

    I just saw this post come up on the team page, and wanted to say a quick "You can do this!!" I'm right there on the regain, and wish you good luck and much strength as you pick up on your journey!

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FLUFFBUTT 6/2/2013 11:50PM

  I know its been awhile since you wrote this. I am reading this and know how you feel. I have been there and I get it. I have in the lost alot and recently gained some back. I started 3 yrs ago at 290 something! over a year I lost down to 150's but found it verydiffcult to maintain. I gained some when I backed off from going to the gym. I spent a year at around 180, then totally let it go and am up to 211. what I am saying is I know its so hard, but I also know how good it feels to be active doing the right things(not being perfect) and its still hard for me to get my head around losing again...and staying in the game. I know you can do it. I know I can too, have faith and keep at it. emoticon

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CECE0330 5/20/2013 6:04PM

    You're HERE, on Spark, and that's a good thing! emoticon

I think many of us have been in your shoes. Sometimes you feel it, sometimes you just....don't. Sometimes you know the "right" choices, but willfully do the opposite just because. It's all a part of the journey, so hang in there. One thing I used to tell myself that seemed to help was: Make TODAY better than yesterday. Doesn't have to be perfect. If I ate 6 Oreos and ice cream....well, 5 Oreos and ice cream the next day is technically BETTER. emoticon That's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point. The day doesn't have to be perfect, just strive to make it better. Before you know it, you CAN be back to where you were feeling better.

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CBAILEYC 5/20/2013 3:33PM

    Ah honey! emoticon I was happy to see your name and pretty face pop up on my page!
I've regained some as well. It's too easy to stop caring and being diligent and making sure you're eating the right things. I know, I know.
We're a lot alike. I hope we can be alike in deciding enough letting it go and deciding to really work at feeling better. It ~is~ about how you feel moreso than a number on the scale.

Good start with the water, and logging what you're eating.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JENSAWIP 5/20/2013 10:48AM

    Don't give up on yourself. Explore SP articles and boards, get really involved!
I have struggled, and continue to, for years, but I am making small progress. I am getting better. I spent decades getting to this point, so it'll take a while to return to "normal".

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PRETTYPITHY 5/19/2013 9:56PM

    I'm sorry to hear about your regain. I believe the key to successful weight loss -- and maintenance-- is finding a plan that works for YOU. If you're trying to eat fruits and vegetables you don't like, that's going to be unsustainable. Sure, it would be great if you could develop a taste for kale. But for now, maybe corn and sweet potatoes are more your speed. I guess what I'm saying is, you don't have to be perfect. I'm sure heating up frozen corn with some butter is as easy as cooking something less healthy but much better for you. I believe in your ability to find what works best for you. Let me know if I can help!

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LINDA! 5/19/2013 9:29PM

    I do not want to sound harsh. But I also have battled my weight for years. My health declined and I had to start watching my food intake and work at getting exercise everyday. I do not want you to experience a decline in your health. I know you can have a nice lifestyle with a few changes.

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MOMMY445 5/19/2013 9:12PM

    you will get there! you can do this! you are worth it! have a wonderful day!

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