Sunday, May 19, 2013
As of today I weight 275 point something or other. So disappointed. And still don't even really want to do something about it. My mind says I've got to though. Yet I allow food to be something I choose to be more important than me, how I feel about me.
I got down to 223. I was feeling so amazing. So strong. In control. Confident, even a little sexy here and there. I let it go. Am I scared? I am lazy that is a fact. I do not like to cook or prepare food. I am a lazy cook and everything bad for you is so easy to make. I try to get used to vegetables but they don't keep my attention for long or even taste that great to me. Fruit? Forget about it, do not like the stuff. Oranges are okay.
So I think start small...start with water drink 8 cups. I do that for a few days and quit.
Ugh. So I've decided to just start blogging on here. Write down my food day. Be honest. Once I make a mistake, which is something I make up, I have so many judgments on what is right for me and what is wrong. I always give up. Right now I have no desire to change my food, keep track of my food. I just want to eat whatever and do whatever. At the same time I do this I continue to hate me and my body. So eat right or eat wrong. I make it hard. I need to make another choice.
Today I have eaten a tuna sandwich with lettuce and a handful of chips.
I'm about to drink some bolthouse vanilla chai tea while I clean. Today is cleaning day.