Sunday, May 19, 2013
I miss sunshine! The feeling I get when I sat out in it, the warmth my skin felt. The glow I had after being in it. The sun and I have been best friends for years and anyone that sees me can tell. I have a very dark complexion from it, that I absolutely love! I am not orange, but a light/dark reddish brown. Got to love my Native American roots! Why do I miss the sun? That seems silly that someone that lives in Phoenix, Arizona would miss the sun but I do. I can see glimpses of it through my curtains but if I were to pull it back I would be in agony.
Earlier last week I went in for a Dr appointment that I had been dreading. Honestly, after 5 years I was finally going in to get checked out for my condition. My family and I feared the worse going in, Cancer. It isn't easy having that gut feeling that something was terribly wrong with you but I was an idiot for waiting this long to see a specialist. Please don't jump on me about not going in. I went and see plenty of Doctors and they all got scared and threw me out the door. It was a huge turn off from actually being seen.
None the less I went in. Husband in low and I am so thankful he took off work to come with me. I was a mess! Turns out I have Hidradenitis suppurativa it is a rare form of skin disease that affects the sweat glands. When an infection occurs from the disease you get squamous cell carcinoma, a rare form of skin cancer. Not life threatening! I am on two medications now and in two months I will get checked out and if it hasn't cleared up to their liking I will get injections. Then if it still hasn't cleared up I will have to have surgery. While I was there I decided to get a body scan for any abnormalities of my skin....dumb. I had to get a biopsy done right then and there. He found a large mole on my back that he didn't like at all. I will hear back from that within this coming week. I am praying it is not melanoma. That is the last thing I need on top of all of these other issues.
Due to my thyroid and everything else now I have to take 11 pills a day and use a body wash that costs $11 just for 5 oz!!! Thank goodness I have insurance. The medications for my disease without insurance cost a total of $1100! Yes... ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED! While on my medications I can not be in the sun. Like at all. As in if I am out there for more than 10 minutes my skin flares up in pain (and do I mean PAIN!), I get dizzy and my stomach starts cramping. At that point I find it difficult to walk... trust me I was in severe pain all over. Then for 4 hours out of my day I can not have dairy. Which is something I tend to eat since I am unable to have soy or gluten or peanuts. My diet is pretty limited.
I actually feel much better getting all of this out. I don't know how to feel about all of this. Within the past year I was in a horrible car accident, got a 4 week virus with my poor baby girl, found out I had a thyroid disorder that is making me unable to eat snickerdoodle cookies and now I have a disease that I will have the rest of my life. Honestly if much more happens may head may explode.
I will keep moving forward for the sole reason why I went to the Dr. My family. I can't bear the thought of my kids growing up with out their Mom or putting my loving husband in that position. I want to be here to raise them, teach them, love them and see them grow to be amazing adults. See them start families, have my grandbabies and just enjoy life.
Anyways that is what has been going on. I feel horrible for not being on here much. I am staying up with my journal, and I lost inches off my body all over so that is awesome news! My class is really kicking my butt!
Much love Sparkers!
I have truly missed you all!!!