Empowered in the face of addiction
Sunday, May 19, 2013
13. It feels so much better to be in control of my sugar addiction than to be controlled by it.
Many times, I have felt helpless to stop myself in the presence of sugar. Once I start, it can be hard to stop. I will start by telling myself I am just going to enjoy two cookies. "I will eat them slowly and savor them," I assure myself. Many times I do, but they were so good, I will just have two more. I eat these a little faster, then the next two a little faster. Soon, there is no more pretending to eat slowly and savor, just me shoveling them in almost as fast as I can (I do still chew, just not slowly and not much). A few hours later, forgetting my earlier escapade with the cookies, I will have ice cream. There are no "small" or "normal" portions of ice cream in my world. Ice cream is meant to be enjoyed at least four servings at a time, followed by a cup of regret and a teaspoon of "I'll never do that again." Chocolate for a mid-day pick-me-up, a bag of Skittles because someone gave them to me, a donut because I am hungry and they are there, a piece of cake to celebrate a birthday. One often leads to another, though the incidents get separated in my mind. I don't realize until later how many sweets I have had in one day. I tell myself that one day, I will get a hold of myself. One day, I will get myself under control.
Oh, but the day I do say "NO!" What a feeling! I look at the chocolate and say, "No, I am not really in the mood for chocolate. I am not going to eat it just because it is there. I am going to address whatever issue it is (tired, bored, frustration, procrastination) that led me to going to the chocolate in the first place." Sweet victory! It may be small, but it is VICTORY and it IS MINE! If I have that kind of strength, I remind myself, I can turn down a piece of cake. I can say no to the ice cream I have to have in the freezer. I feel empowered when I say no to my addiction. I feel empowered when I take control of what goes in my mouth. I feel empowered when I decide what sweets to enjoy, instead of my environment or situation dictating to me that I will eat it whether I want it (or enjoy it) or not. It feels so much better to be in control of my sugar addiction than to be controlled by it.
To help SPARK the fire I need to get back on track, I plan to post a new reason every day for 30 days reminding me why I want to live healthier and lose weight.
12. More small clothes fit in the washer/dryer than big clothes.
11. With more strength, greater flexibility, and less weight, I may find myself in less pain.
10. When I am outside more, I am sick less.
09. To reduce my rising cholesterol levels.
08. To be a positive influence on my diabetic husband.
07. I hate my double chin.
06. So I can easily reach my goal of finishing the 2014 Fight for Air Climb in under 40 minutes.
05. Regular exercise clears my head and evens my moods.
04. I feel more in control of my life when I take care of myself.
03. I liked it better when I fit in L shirts instead of XL.
02. When I exercise regularly, I have more energy.
01. When my face is thinner, I have a prettier smile.