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    NEWSTART26   7,827
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WUB BLC 18


Sunday, May 19, 2013

This week has been an emotional one. For some reason my emotions are all over the place and I don't like it. I've been trying to figure out why but I got nothing. It seems as though my emotional state has effected my eating habits, although I'm eating healthy, I find myself eating more than usual and eating even when I'm not hungry. This has me feeling depressed and hopeless. Truthfully, I feel like I'm losing control and its making me feel like crap.

My biggest fear is gaining the weight back. I have to get my emotions in check otherwise it will be the death of me. Suicidal thoughts are slowly returning just at the thought of being 300lbs and in a size 26 again. I know, that's probably stupid and sounds weak but I'm being honest.

I didn't lose any weight this week, I'm not surprised because TOM is approaching and I never really lose during that magical time.

I'm just trying to keep my eyes on the prize and that is healthy living, being happy and depression free, loving myself and being a great example for my toddler and preschooler daughters.

This week goals;

Tackle this emotional demon
Prep my meals
Drink all my water
Smile more and cry less
Keep working out before work (I find it helps my mood)
Journal
PRAY PRAY PRAY!

Here's to another week.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISBRYAN 6/1/2013 10:38AM

    When I am on stage my biggest fear is that I'll blow a line or miss a note and trust me it happens, no matter how hard you worked towards that moment but there is a team of performers to get you past it. This is the great thing about SP; were all here for you, so just like on stage, look the audience in the eye and keep moving forward; for you are a star! emoticon

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LOVINGAFRICA 5/22/2013 2:41PM

    I am praying for you too. You know TOM makes us crazy emotionally too. I hope that you will feel like yourself again in a week or two. Don't be scared of being fat again. You know how to do it, and you have SPARKWORLD for support.
But please promise me that you will TALK to a counselor or therapist please?

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MNABOY 5/19/2013 6:49PM

    Don't have fear! Plan to do your best and live your plan a day at a time. SP will work, I know.

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D_4RECOVERY 5/19/2013 12:54PM

    I am so glad I ran across your page. You look absolutely awesome. What a motivation your story is. I understand how you feel but you look like you have it under control with your goals. emoticon for sharing your thoughts with us.

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LANNIEMANUEL 5/19/2013 9:17AM

    sometime just getting it out helps. also try to meditate a bit. I wish you alot of luck, I know it is hard when you brain does not want to help emoticon

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