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Beginning to Wonder if I am "Normal"

Saturday, May 18, 2013

With everything that has been going on lately I am beginning to wonder if I am "normal".

I have mentioned this to my husband and he doesn't think it is strange, but I wonder. With the recent death of my mother I feel like I have moved on too fast. Maybe because we knew that the end was coming and had 2 weeks to kind of prepare for her passing it just seems strange that I don't really miss Mom. This may just be that I have had so much going on that I am kind of numb to Mom's passing.

I mean she was my Mom. I feel like I should feel something more now that she is gone but in reality it has pretty much gone back to life as usual. She was an alcoholic and we had a rocky past but I did love her and know she loved me so why do I not really feel any strong emotions when I think about her. I mean going through pictures I remember all the good times and feel the nostalgia and happiness that those times represent but other than at the viewing and funeral I really haven't shed any tears over her death. I did spend the 2 weeks after her diagnosis in tears over what will happen to my Dad but not really for her.

Is this weird. Maybe it is just that everything hasn't really hit me and I may eventually find myself mourning her loss more heavily but as of right now I just don't know. My sister is still fairly devastated over our Mom's death but then again she was with her on a daily basis. As an adult I chose to distance myself from her because of our past history.

Please feel free to ignore my ramblings. I am just putting it out there and letting it be.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I don't know much about the grieving process, but your experiences don't sound in the least bit weird or strange. Everyone handles events in their lives differently. What i would say to you is to give yourself time - don't worry about what you are feeling or not, just take each hour as it comes, and when you feel strong enough, take each day as it comes. Things will unfold as they should for you.
    Take great care of yourself, my thoughts are with you and your family. emoticon emoticon
    1672 days ago
    My dad passed away suddenly of a heart attack last August. I cried a lot the first few days, but then I was numb. I do miss him, but not that horrible gut wrenching sadness that I thought I would feel. Everyone said "I handled it well". I think it's maybe because my mindset is that the world goes on in spite of everything and we all just have to keep truckin'. So I did. I think it's normal. emoticon
    1672 days ago
    Everyone has a different way of handling the loss of a loved one.
    1672 days ago
    My mother died of cancer which she completely refused to have treated due to her religion. At the time I was separated from my husband, had two small children and a full time job but I was the only person she would allow to care for her.No hospital visits, no doctors and no nurses.It was a great strain but I did it willingly - not because I agreed with her religious beliefs but because it was the last thing I was ever going to do for her. Frankly when she died I just felt huge relief . However - as the years have gone by I find myself wishing to 'tell' her of things that happen that are hooked up to other things that happened when she was alive and that's when my sadness kicks in because she'll never know.
    Death is part of life and grief comes in different ways. Personally I don't think 'normal' applies here - we are who we are and re-act as we re-act. Also the circumstances of the life and death of the person who has passed have a bearing. Give it some time.
    1672 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/20/2013 5:13:00 AM
    It's been six years since my Mum died. She was a cantankerous old whatsit, and extremely difficult to deal with. My initial response was relief, and guilt. Now, though, the old woman has diminished in my mind, and I remember the nicer Mum of my growing up. The bad has been forgotten, and the happy memories remain, and I miss her. Perhaps as time passes you might feel the same. If not, it doesn't matter. Your reactions are still quite normal.
    1672 days ago
    I do recognize what you are saying, my mother passed away 20 years ago and I still cry now and then because I would want her in my life today - she would have been 85 and that is not really old. But it has been really on-off since she died, I did not feel devastated then, it was sadr, because she was a really nice person. I occupied myself with making the funeral as beautiful as I could and that kept me from thinking... and then life went on and I still did not grieve that much.

    You are very normal...although I am not sure if that is soemthing to aim for...
    1672 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    I think you are definitely normal. You weren't close to your mom, in that you didn't see much of her for the last several years. You have mourned. Life moves on and so do we in our own time and way. Do not compare yourself with others, even family. For their experiences are different from yours and so they show grief, mourning and love differently.

    1673 days ago
    As others have said, we all react in different ways.

    You loved your mom and she loved you. That's what is important.

    As long as we are honest with ourselves, which it sounds like you are, we can move forward. You many cry later or you may not. Either way, it's ok.

    1673 days ago
    Everyone reacts in different ways to these things. You are normal and any way that you choose to deal with this is ok.
    1673 days ago
  • KANOE10
    Trust yourself. Your feelings are normal and they are you. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. I am sorry for your loss and am glad you have a supportive husband.
    1673 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/19/2013 8:50:08 AM
    I don't find that weird. Wondered the same thing after my step-dad died, but our relationship wasn't the best. He was an emotionally abusive man to all of his children biological and by marriage. I don't really miss him. He may have been my step-dad since I was about 5 or 6, but I don't really miss him much. Sometimes I think of him, but not much and I don't tend to ever get sappy or emotional. If I do, it is because I never got the chance to prove him wrong about what I or my twin might become someday.
    1674 days ago
    1674 days ago
    Totally just stumbled into this blog post.

    You are "normal".

    Although grief can follow certain patterns, including numbness, anger, denial, etc., it is important to know that these are trends, not a prescribed way to feel.

    You may feel more or less sadness or anger as time passes, especially as certain major life events occur for which your mother will not be present, but these are all YOUR feelings. No one can tell you what you "should" feel. All you can feel is what you DO feel, and it is right and normal for you.
    1674 days ago
    emoticon I felt the same way after my mother passed and even though it has been 5 years, I still wonder about my feelings.
    1674 days ago
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