Saturday, May 18, 2013
With everything that has been going on lately I am beginning to wonder if I am "normal".
I have mentioned this to my husband and he doesn't think it is strange, but I wonder. With the recent death of my mother I feel like I have moved on too fast. Maybe because we knew that the end was coming and had 2 weeks to kind of prepare for her passing it just seems strange that I don't really miss Mom. This may just be that I have had so much going on that I am kind of numb to Mom's passing.
I mean she was my Mom. I feel like I should feel something more now that she is gone but in reality it has pretty much gone back to life as usual. She was an alcoholic and we had a rocky past but I did love her and know she loved me so why do I not really feel any strong emotions when I think about her. I mean going through pictures I remember all the good times and feel the nostalgia and happiness that those times represent but other than at the viewing and funeral I really haven't shed any tears over her death. I did spend the 2 weeks after her diagnosis in tears over what will happen to my Dad but not really for her.
Is this weird. Maybe it is just that everything hasn't really hit me and I may eventually find myself mourning her loss more heavily but as of right now I just don't know. My sister is still fairly devastated over our Mom's death but then again she was with her on a daily basis. As an adult I chose to distance myself from her because of our past history.
Please feel free to ignore my ramblings. I am just putting it out there and letting it be.