I am definitely back!! :-)
Friday, May 17, 2013
It's amazing what a bit of time, patience, and self discovery will to do ya. :-)
Over a year ago, shortly after I had moved here, I came down with various things. It was more like a mental illness and I had no idea how to control it! I was confused and had so many other emotions running through me every single day! I had no idea what to do!
I had found my home gym, 24 hour fitness, and started going to some awesome classes! I was on track. I lost my last 20 pounds when I moved here. I was at my BEST ever!
Then from one moment to another I lost it all. I started gaining weight slowly, and my fitness level went down big time! Not only did my fitness level all but disappear, a bit before that I was ready to give God up in my life. Then all this mental stuff happened.
I was put on medication for depression and anxiety because that is how bad it had gotten. I had gone to 2-3 different therapists trying to see what was truly wrong with me.
I had started making a lot of friends, yes. I had no problems being myself. I stopped exercising like before but I was still going to a few classes each week. I started eating garbage again. But I still had been making friends. I'm a social butterfly. I've finally come out of my shell and was able to be myself around others. I figured if they really don't like who I truly am, then that is their problem and not mine. I still think this way.
I've slowly been discovering myself! I don't even know what to type right now as I sit here! Where to start???
Point is, I truly believe the enemy really really had a tight grip on me over a year ago. And it lasted for quite awhile!!! Being put on meds and slowly getting better because of them. But somehow I took the right turn. Somewhere along my journey I came to a fork in the road but I decided to go the right way this time because I figured "God wouldn't hurt me more than I have been hurt the past year, right?" ... I couldn't see what was ahead of me but somehow I knew that if I had enough faith, everything would definitely be OK! I know God isn't out to hurt me. Sure, he teaches us lessons and some are harder than others but He definitely knows what He is doing!
It started one day when I decided to go back to church but I hadn't been for so long and had a "thing" about going to church by myself. So a friend had invited me. That night I found out that God had helped me lose weight in the first place! Oh my gosh! I cried!! Right THEN I knew that He had a plan for me. But I needed to just HANG in there!!! I could still feel the enemy surrounding me, talking to me every single day!
I hung in there. I let God lead my way. I gave it ALL to Him!! He took the worry off my shoulders! He took my depression and anxiety and I'm on a lower dosage of medication right now and hopefully with time I'll be completely off of it! I have to be patient though.
I have kept the enemy at a distance lately. I recognize the different spirits that come into my life now. Thanks to an awesome Bible study that I go to once a week! And there's a story to it there too!
A friend that I had met in church invited me to this bible study she started going to. I went, and right away I knew I was meant to be there! I have also been going to the church counselor and talking to her about my problems because I knew they were more spiritual than anything else! I knew that once I got that part of my life in order, everything else would fall into place!! Including my fitness!!!
Now, I sit here and I thank God that He has my back and is helping me!! I have faith in Him! And I know the enemy doesn't like it one bit!
I had some "issues" with a certain friend of mine. I couldn't understand why she was treating me the way that she had been treating me recently. Then I found out that she herself has her own demons, spirits, and I'm sure she doesn't even know it (jealousy is one of them). She's a Christian and goes to the exact same church as I do. She is the one who introduced me to that church in the first place! As God can use just about anyone to get through to a person, the devil can also use just about anyone to harm others as well! And yes, even people you think are your Christian friends, who would never hurt you. It's heart breaking but I have finally had my eyes opened to this friend and our friendship and I've had to take a step back. There is so much more to this story but that is pretty much the core of it. She's treated me poorly and has hurt me more than i can count on one hand. But thats the end of it. I know now it is the enemy that was trying to harm me through her. Trying to discourage me from going on Gods path for me. NO longer!!!
I am BACK baby!!! And now getting stronger! :-) Even more than before!!! I just have to keep myself up on my feet as long as I can! I know God has my back! He always has had my back!!!
Sure, I don't read my Bible every single day. Sure, I didn't go to Bible school. Sure, I don't necessarily pray 20 times a day. I'm not always listening to worship music. And so on and so on....but that does not make me a bad person or less of a Christian! I know what is right and what is wrong. I know I'm a sinner. But I am human. We are all sinners but God loves us regardless of what we have done in our lives!!! He is just happy to have us back!! And the enemy will continue to try to take over but one has to stay strong! Even if we do fall back and sin, KNOW that God is always there with his arms opened ready to take you back no matter what!!!
FEED your physical and spiritual self healthy things and it will grow in the way it was truly meant to grow! :-)
I have had an awesome past couple of days health wise! I have been making healthy foods and my kids are finally starting to get back into healthier eating thanks to me!
This morning I made french toast with Ezekiel raisin bread, egg whites, cinnamon, greek yogurt and fruit! It was super delicious!! My daughter was a bit "MEH" about it but I know with time she will come to love it. :-)
Thank you spark friends for reading my blogs and for your sweet words!!!