Friday, May 17, 2013
I so hate when I'm stupid and make rotten choices. Sometimes i loose hope and think I will never change and binging will be part of my life for the rest of it.... Today hasn't turned into a full blast binge yet I felt so discouraged by my own choices. I told my husband though... not all of it, but most, which makes it feel better... eating in secret is one early sign that JABBA wants to barge right back in.... and it is so embarrassing to admit that I indulged in sweets yet once again. I stopped though, one good thing, and I have brushed, flossed, and mouthwashed yet once again so no more temptations tonight I hope.
Yet I dread tomorrow, with it's international food banquet approaching.... and me being in the kitchen all day cooking and baking and licking spoons and bowls and being tempted and giving in... partially I feel like a cornered rabbit staring in the snakes eyes not able to move, knowing the snake will eat me any minute, yet there is also the princess Leia in there, wanting to fight that snake, and chop it's head off!!!! I haven't thought of a plan of action, the only thing I can think of is this: "SMALL PORTIONS!!!!!" eat a little of whatever I fancy, but really only a little, and if I don't like something, DON'T FINISH IT!!!!!! I will also do some evening workout right now, after finishing here as well as going for a run tomorrow morning... after a little sleep in that is.
So, yes, I am shaken, but not broken or crushed.