Friday, May 17, 2013
My mind is constantly racing with things I want, and need, to do.
My mind is constantly racing with things I want, and need, to do. I wonder if I will ever feel emotionally safe and secure again. :::shrug::: If one more person tells me what a wonderful stepmother I am as if it's an accolade I've earned a medal for I may just explode. This is my life after all and you do the right thing...right?
I do worry that I will die before I see "my" girls grow into women—happy women, not completely stunted in their own emotional growth . I worry that my time here will end before I get to see the rest of my own dreams come to fruition. I worry that everyone I love will go before I’m ready to say goodbye, or more importantly, have a chance to say goodbye. I told one spark friend of my fear to go on our trip last week after the death of two dear friends just weeks previous leaving on a two day trip that they never returned from. BTW, we're home safe and sound but that fear still niggled....::::sigh:::
I guess, at the heart of it all, I just worry way more than I ever did and that was A LOT.
I’m not always good at telling others what I need, or don’t need, from them. Loving, at least to me, means being keenly aware of what the other person needs even when they are unable to say it for themselves.
This holds true for the relationship we with share with ourselves. Nurture being the key word, as I suspect too often we let that relationship lapse. All of the hats we wear - daughter, wife, fiance, girlfriend, employee, mother, friend, etc. etc. and then the internal "stuff" that little voice that screams inside of us all doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves.
This is a continual goal of mine and it rolls forward time and time again but I believe I am making progress. Slowly but surely as the turtle!
Make it count dear friends......