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Frustrated, Irritated, Crabby, and Mad...

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Ok so when DH and I were dating he indicated that he preferred "spartan living" as he called it. So now that we have been married 6 years this weekend I have had plenty of time to see just how this works...and it DOESN'T!!!! I admit I am not the best at keeping things picked up all the time...BUT REALLY...I am better at this than he is!

He keeps bringing more things into this small house, he isn't keeping his things picked up OR organized in such a way that they can be kept picked up. He has more clothes than we have space for, he has to have everything right where it is convenient for him, even if it makes it sloppy in the living room and bedroom. I am so tired of the sloppy looking rooms.

I went out to work on rock removal and now I am just pissed off even more! I had to move a couple things to get to the wheel barrow...no problem...moved the tarp off the wheel barrow and...low and behold...it was filled with all his tools!!! In the EIGHT years we have been in this house he has never taken the time to organize the back garage and when he has cleaned off the work bench, it has simply become the dumping ground for more crap...which never gets cleaned up. So I realize that since we will be using these tools again to finish the deck, I am just so frustrated by all the years of NON-SPARTAN LIVING!!!

Like my craft/sewing room...another dumping ground any time we have company over for all the things he doesn't want to find a home for, or put away at the moment...his office is the same way...and though I know it frustrates him, I also don't see him spending much time trying to keep things picked up once they are cleaned up. So anytime I want to work on a project I have to clean the space first. By the time I am done cleaning I have no energy or desire to work on the project.

And now he works 2 full time jobs and has no time for anything...let alone time to spend with me and the kids. SO while I wish he would spend time cleaning these things up...just keeping the regular things clean and picked up would be nice so that I don't have to clean up after him as well as both boys!!!!!

We are both stressed and I really don't want to take out this frustration on him, or bring up the issue, but it has to be addressed at some point...and soon!
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I really don't expect my SP friends to read through this whole thing, but I needed to get it off my chest before i took it out on the boys.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh gosh Tes married to a pack rat no wonder you were frustrated but at least you got a great excuse for not moving the rocks!
    1645 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    add some piano's to the mess and that what i have...lol
    1646 days ago
    Mmmm. been there done that. My solution was to clean it up- make 2 piles in the different locations. What I thought was trash- what he thought was trash. Had the fight that went with it, got through it. This was tools, back yard etc... This is something I do every couple of yrs to reclean, and thin things our. My husband has gotten better through the years at giving things up.
    Some things can't be fixed, but you can claim spaces at yours. I have 2 areas that are off limits to everyone elses junk. They each have their bedrooms. Yes, my husband is allowed our bedroom- but things can't get dangerous.
    Sometimes I put things in trash bags, and set them out on a shelf in the garage for a few months- some things as long as a year, and then if it doesn't get touched, I chuck it. The rule is never tell anyone you threw it away, or they will instantly insist that they needed that.
    I've been married 20 yrs., he' s always been this way, and alway will be. I've just learned to work around his need for junk. And he's learned to put up with my clean streaks.
    Marriage is comprimise, not perfection.
    1647 days ago
  • LEANIE64
    Oh Gosh..I read your whole blog and was looking at my life..and thinking..since I am now officially OLD what sage advice could I share that would help you..As you are married to a good man..(working two jobs and trying his best to take care of the family)..but a person that chooses not to pick up or put away anything..I am married to the same type man..He had no clue about cleaning up, picking up, or throwing anything away. He still has those tendencies..and it is still aggravating after 31 years of marriage..But I found if I didn't nag so much..and took the bull by the horns and got boxes and put his stuff in the boxes..then asked if he would sort through the things..and put them away I would so appreciate it..many times he would forget to finish..so I would put them away for him..which he hated..but at least it was done. He is not one to clean up after himself..but through the years he is better. I know this is not what you'll want to hear..but be prayerful and look for the good in him..Compliment him on his efforts to support everyone..take time for yourself to appreciate what you do as well..Too , take time for the both of you..such as a weekly date night..It doesn't have to be an expensive date..pack a picnic lunch and spend some time together at a favorite spot. Just enjoy the time you have together..Trade babysitting if needed..with a trusted neighbor..so you can be away from the children, alone together. After 31 years I am thankful I muddled through the tough years..and we are where we are at..Loving and appreciating the fact that we do love and care for one another. Our family is unique ..as we have a combined family of yours mine and ours..13 children. I have lived to tell of it..ha ha !! And I am thankful for a good man..not perfect..but a good man. Me..I'm as imperfect as they get..Too, one simple thing that helped me deal with life ..was exercise..Take time each day to move..it does help. Maybe getting rid of hubby's "things" that he wouldn't miss would be a good exercise.. emoticon Sharlene
    1647 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/16/2013 12:48:30 PM
  • DAP1313
    Okay I read the whole thing. I have to confess I am like your hubby, and mine is a bit better but he's a pack rat too. Unfortunately I am a visual person and feel better seeing my stuff, but I am getting better. Believe it or not I bet you could get rid of some of that stuff and he won't miss it one bit. I've started getting rid of stuff that is no longer any use and I don't miss it.

    Hang in there!
    1647 days ago
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