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I'm NOT ok . . .

Thursday, May 16, 2013

And I donít ever want to be! To say we are ďokĒ means nothing. It is non-committal at best and usually an outright lie. To be ďokĒ is to be not good, not bad, not happy, not sad, not up, not down Ė basically not anything! Online definition of ok: Not excellent and not poor; mediocre; Fine; well enough; adequate.

So, if it is neutral why do I KNOW people reacted to my title? Because it has become the ďnormĒ. We are ok. Thatís the way it is supposed to be. When a co-worker asks you how you are, they usually donít want to actually know. They expect you to say ďok, you?Ē They answer ok and we pretend we have interacted with each other. We have been ďsocially functionalĒ for the day.

Better yet, we are ďokĒ when we are bothered/upset but donít feel others will understand or feel that telling the truth would be imposing. We hide behind two little letters and swallow our feeling. We are ok, and watch the world spin out of control, all the time wondering why no one notices/cares.

Iím NOT ok! And Iím proud of that!

See, Iím not normal. I like it that way. Iím sick of playing the social norm. Playing that game is what had me gaining 75 pounds in less than 6 years. Being ok made the people around me comfortable but me depressed on the inside. Being ok made me hide in embarrassment so others wouldnít feel awkward. Being ok made food a substitute for joy! Iím done with ok. Iím not ok!

Iím making a promise to myself right now. Iíll never be OK again. Today, Iím fabulous. Iím amazing and Iím looking forward to a great day. If that makes the person Iím talking to cringe, maybe they should figure out how to have a ďfabuĒ day! And the next time I feel down and like Iím in a room full of dead puppies Ė Iím going to tell the truth. If that is uncomfortable for the person asking, so be it. I donít need to go into details either way but Iím going to be truthful to who I am. I am who and what I am. That is an ever changing, emotional, thinking, feeling, caring person. I have baggage, usually itís in storage but occasionally it comes out. But Iím NOT ok.

Donít be ok, not ever again. I find I have the hardest time controlling (or at least feeling in control) of my habits when Iím overly concerned with appearing ok. No, Iím more important than ok. And so are you!

So letís NOT be ok. Letís not be the ďnormĒ. Letís be honest about who we are, how we feel, and where we are going in life. Letís grab on to our inner selves and run with it!

IíM NOT OK! And that is a WONDERFUL thing.

If you want the inspiration for this blog, look up My Chemical Romance ďIím not OKĒ on YouTube. Here is a link if it works (caution, explicit lyrics):

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MKACILLAS 5/19/2013 7:45PM

    Good Blog. And i agree it is a totally standard answer and ppl dont really want the truth. I sometimes say i am hanging in there. I am a long way away from saying fabulous and may never be able to say that. But losing my son 15 months ago has put me on a path of a new normal. But i do say to ppl that i am comfortable with if i am feeling sad or not. Ok for me now is a good place to be and continuing on in a more spiritual healing way is my path right now. I am starting to be thankful for the sunny days. emoticon

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VTRICIA 5/18/2013 6:30PM

    Imagine if there was an "OK, and you?" huddle. LOL. Also, "Fine..."

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SEKHMETSAT 5/18/2013 5:00PM

    Working retail, I HAVE to be non-committal, or neutral. We are NOT allowed to have bad days. So my response is either "I'm here" or "Working!". People laugh at "working!", so Usually I say that. I hate" OK"

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CBGBG5 5/18/2013 8:26AM

    I've always just said "I'M OK" because it worked for me to cut a conversation off and avoid attention. I would just say I'm ok and not elaborate on anything, then maybe ask how they were to shift the attention onto them.
Kitty, thanks for the post, it got me thinking. And I don't usually do that.

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EMI794 5/17/2013 11:09PM
If the link works, this is "Never Going Back to OK" by The Afters.
That's always bothered me, the way it's expected that if someone asks, "How are you?" you respond with "Okay!" It's not always truthful, and, as you pointed out...why are we satisfied with just being okay?

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SPOONGIRLDEB 5/17/2013 10:08PM

    Great blog, as usual! I read your blogs and feel like I'm looking into a window to myself :-). This one got me thinking, and I actually don't normally tell people OK. I'll say "good" or "not too bad" or "could be better" which are maybe a little bit better than OK but still pretty non-committal. So put me in the "not OK" category too...we'll see how many people still ask "how are you?" when they get more than a couple word response :-)!!!

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JUMPINJULIE 5/17/2013 8:51PM

    Love your blog. Let's be honest with you we are and maybe the world would get along better. Just a thought.

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RIDMYCOCOON 5/17/2013 8:12PM

    If I am not mistaken "ok" derived from the term "all correct". And THAT, Honey, I am NOT.

I AM NOT OKAY! emoticon High-five! Here is to being whatever our wonderful and complex beings are being! Whenever and however! emoticon emoticon Where do I sign?...

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LIVINGFREE19 5/17/2013 6:50PM

    You go girl...LET IT OUT!!

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SOULFISH80 5/17/2013 3:01PM

    YES!!! I've thought of this so often in my life. I work with the public, and have for my entire working life, from lifegaurding, to teaching ( kind of public) to barbering (definitely public) and I always push past "I'm OK" responses from other, or myself. I usually try to be real, honest and interested in the other. It is a little harder, becaue you are letting others in and inviting them to open themselves to you to. One honest remark often leads to another, and thus relationships are formed!!! It does take a little concentrated effort to truly be open and honest with those around you, but I feel it is sooooo worth it!!! People sense that you are open, thus trust worthy, thus someone they life to be around. It is really the snowball affect. Super cool, I'm really happy for your non-OK, fabulous-today attitude!!!!

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BOILHAM 5/17/2013 12:24PM

    Good blog. Yes, it is so much easier to say "ok" than get baring your soul while passing someone in the hallway.

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BLITZEN40 5/17/2013 10:14AM

    Your blog reminds me of a saying: Telling people the truth won't get you a lot of friends, but it will get you the RIGHT ones. So often we get overly concerned about other people's "sensitivities" that we don't think we can tell them the truth, not even about how we're feeling that day. So everyone becomes OK and no one feels free to really express themselves. Way to go breaking out of that!

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1CRAZYDOG 5/17/2013 10:05AM

    Well, I could't agree with you more . . . it's NOT all right to be OK.


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JUSTME29 5/17/2013 8:52AM

    I want to be "not OK" too!

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STHAX10 5/17/2013 8:22AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon I am not OK either!!!

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GARDENCHRIS 5/17/2013 7:29AM

    I am SO NOT OK!!! lololol

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Love this!

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DARLY55 5/17/2013 7:06AM

    Kitty, you are a dynamo, a doer, you're astonishing, astounding, amazing, and anything but OK! emoticon

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CIPHER1971 5/17/2013 5:20AM

    Yay - Have an Awesome day, I know I will

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CONFIDENTLY_FIT 5/17/2013 4:28AM

Life is just to short to constantly be worried about what others think:)

Love the pink gloves by the way!

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PRNCSCUP1-2FULL 5/16/2013 4:22PM

    That's right! You are awesome! So glad this blog went the way I had hoped it would! I don't want to be OK either! This made me glad I have been sharing my real feelings in my blogs too! Good for you my friend!would1

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WARRIORGIRL121 5/16/2013 4:07PM

    emoticon blog... and truly said! Thanks, Kitty, for the reminder! I knew a man at work once a long time ago who had it down well.. when you asked how he was, he'd answer every time enthusiastically, "Fantastic! Just Faaaannntastic!" He always shined a light in everyone's day!

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KARENLEIGH32 5/16/2013 3:25PM

    Thanks for the blog! I'm not ok either!

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 5/16/2013 2:27PM

    You are SO right! When I'm really upset - I tend to tell people - truth or well fashioned lie? Its amazing how much people say "lie." LOL

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CAT-IN-CJ 5/16/2013 2:07PM

    There! Give'em the ol' one-two punch!

I agree. Makes me think of the era back when "Have a Nice Day" was delivered with a big cheesy grin. I was working at an entry level job in Customer Service at Title Company at that time. The customers would come always as "How are you today?" and proceed with there request. Often I would come back with an equally cheesy grin and some unpredictable reply ("Oh, I broke my leg yesterday, how about you?")

It seems that most people don't really want an answer. They just want what they want.

I'm with you! Who wants to settle for just okay?
Let's make today fantabulous !!!!

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FLORIDASUN 5/16/2013 12:43PM

    Actually today...and truly the entire month of May...mostly I SUCK! emoticon But I will regain my traction...I always do. We really have no other choice do we?

I love your's just what I really needed to be REAL today.

Thanks are one in a million! emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 5/16/2013 12:29PM

    I'm glad that you are not ok, be proud of that! I am not ok either and that is the way it should be!

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1EMMA2011 5/16/2013 12:11PM

    I agree, OK isn't a feeling! Very smart Kitty!


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REYVNCFOX 5/16/2013 11:49AM

    Ok is the socially acceptable way to be passive aggressive - I'm am with you - I was passive aggressive for way too long - I am surprised my partner lived through it when i realized just how bad I had become. There is such a thing as TMI - but that border is someone elses, not mine.

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ANATASHIKI 5/16/2013 11:40AM

    lol , it depends . I was bad and terrible this year so I'll take the ok anytime . and the social norm here is not ok , nobody answers ok , they all are "woe is me " and the usual answer is terrible so if you are not really interested in everybody's mishaps , better not ask anything (kidding , of course you ask). that's why western people say about us that we're sad and don't smile. we're not sad but almost no one smiles if he doesn't feel like it. I don't say it's a good thing, it's just like that. I quit trying to behave when I was 16 so whatever feels right for you is ok emoticon

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BESCATS 5/16/2013 11:15AM

    Good blog, Kitty. I do find when most people ask how you are doing, really don't care. it is usually a conversation starter. I, too, have gotten into trouble in the past for speaking up, but "oh well" !!

I agree, it OKAY to not be OK !!

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ONTHEPATH2 5/16/2013 10:40AM

    emoticon OK is my answer to people who I feel are just asking me how I am for something to start a conversation. My friends don't have to ASK me how I am, they know! I will probably continue to be OK to those people, because they really don't care.....

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HHB4181 5/16/2013 10:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 5/16/2013 10:24AM

    emoticon I am right there with you, but it is a hard habit to break. I say I am okay when I want to brush someone off. lol

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 5/16/2013 10:20AM

    I agree, this whole "I'm okay, you're okay" world we live in has to go!
I am FANTASTIC today -- and I will refuse to be "ok" right along with you.
I find that I use the "I'm ok" answer when I am really far from "ok" and either I know the person that said "how are you?" really doesn't want to know, or I don't want to tell that particular person. Still -- nothing wrong with saying, "Right now I'm not having a good day, but it's bound to get better!" or SOMETHING rather than claiming to be neutral and mediocre all the time!!

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NILLAPEPSI 5/16/2013 10:07AM

    I think I"ll just continue being weird. I'm good with it. emoticon

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GLUECIPHER 5/16/2013 9:50AM

    I say OK when, how I am, is none of their business... LOL

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MERRY_XMAS 5/16/2013 9:25AM

    Amazing entry! And so well-said!
Let's NOT be ok! Let's express our feelings!

emoticon emoticon

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JESSICAWALKS 5/16/2013 9:14AM

    I'm not OK either, and I love it! Enjoy your FABULOUS day!

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PUPPYWHISPERS 5/16/2013 9:10AM

    I love this blog. But I warn you, I've tried telling the truth--whether it be I'm outstanding or I feel like I'm in a room full of dead puppies--and many people don't want to hear it. They just want to hear that you're okay, and go on with their day. It bugs me how people walk by me and say "Hi, how are you," and keep walking. I want to jump in front of them, look in their eyes and answer...why else ask that? I need eye contact to feel like I'm conversing with someone.

I'm proud to be NOT okay with you. Today, I'm tired, but my day looks to be pretty great so far. The sun is shining, I'm woke up and I get to walk Jasper in a few hours.

Make it a great day, Kitty!

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PROUD-GRANDMA 5/16/2013 9:00AM


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