And I donít ever want to be! To say we are ďokĒ means nothing. It is non-committal at best and usually an outright lie. To be ďokĒ is to be not good, not bad, not happy, not sad, not up, not down Ė basically not anything! Online definition of ok: Not excellent and not poor; mediocre; Fine; well enough; adequate.
So, if it is neutral why do I KNOW people reacted to my title? Because it has become the ďnormĒ. We are ok. Thatís the way it is supposed to be. When a co-worker asks you how you are, they usually donít want to actually know. They expect you to say ďok, you?Ē They answer ok and we pretend we have interacted with each other. We have been ďsocially functionalĒ for the day.
Better yet, we are ďokĒ when we are bothered/upset but donít feel others will understand or feel that telling the truth would be imposing. We hide behind two little letters and swallow our feeling. We are ok, and watch the world spin out of control, all the time wondering why no one notices/cares.
Iím NOT ok! And Iím proud of that!
See, Iím not normal. I like it that way. Iím sick of playing the social norm. Playing that game is what had me gaining 75 pounds in less than 6 years. Being ok made the people around me comfortable but me depressed on the inside. Being ok made me hide in embarrassment so others wouldnít feel awkward. Being ok made food a substitute for joy! Iím done with ok. Iím not ok!
Iím making a promise to myself right now. Iíll never be OK again. Today, Iím fabulous. Iím amazing and Iím looking forward to a great day. If that makes the person Iím talking to cringe, maybe they should figure out how to have a ďfabuĒ day! And the next time I feel down and like Iím in a room full of dead puppies Ė Iím going to tell the truth. If that is uncomfortable for the person asking, so be it. I donít need to go into details either way but Iím going to be truthful to who I am. I am who and what I am. That is an ever changing, emotional, thinking, feeling, caring person. I have baggage, usually itís in storage but occasionally it comes out. But Iím NOT ok.
Donít be ok, not ever again. I find I have the hardest time controlling (or at least feeling in control) of my habits when Iím overly concerned with appearing ok. No, Iím more important than ok. And so are you!
So letís NOT be ok. Letís not be the ďnormĒ. Letís be honest about who we are, how we feel, and where we are going in life. Letís grab on to our inner selves and run with it!
IíM NOT OK! And that is a WONDERFUL thing.
If you want the inspiration for this blog, look up My Chemical Romance ďIím not OKĒ on YouTube. Here is a link if it works (caution, explicit lyrics):