Wednesday, May 15, 2013
...even when you're not having fun:)
I can't believe it's been almost 4 months since I've sparked. I'm actually on a medical leave of absence from work. I'm having migraines daily. Ugh. Today is the first day in over 2 months that I haven't had one - woo hoo! Party, party! (hopefully I didn't jinx myself and have one start now:-)
I've been to my PCP, had several tests done, and she sent me to a neurologist. He doubled then quadrupled the medication I'm on to "prevent" migraines. No improvement. I thought for sure that quadrupling would have "some" effect! He then switched me to a different medication. I'd say that not having one today is an improvement (!) but that still means I've had a headache 6 days out of the last 7. Sigh. I go back to him on Friday afternoon.
I think the biggest result of daily migraines is that I honestly feel like I've lost my mind. I can't think of things. I see things that I have seen before and they are brand new to me (think 50 First Dates, only not quite that dramatic:-). So when I saw the neurologist last month, I asked him about it (wanted to see if it's related to the headaches, the meds, or if I'm starting alzheimers). He said that when you have daily migraines, your brain doesn't have time to gel the pieces and parts together before you have another one, so you do feel like you've lost your mind. He assured me that it isn't alzheimers and that once we fix the headaches, my brain will return to me. Very, very difficult to be so very "stupid" when all my life I've been intelligent (even when I had nothing else)....a 3.98 in high school and a 3.90 in college but it feels like I couldn't get a 0.01 lately:-)
At my doctor's request, I started Weight Watchers. The only problem is that I don't know from day to day when I'm having a headache, so it's not feasible for me to go at the same time each week (I do better with it in person than online, unlike SP - weird, aren't I?:-). I really struggled with doing what I need to do - when you have a migraine, what you eat and working out aren't exactly a priority.
But when the quadrupling of my prevention meds didn't help any, I realized that I need to live my life as if this is the way it's going to be. No, I don't really think that (!), as my neurologist told me that there are lots of options and we just have to keep going until we find the one that works for me. But by deciding to see it as if this is how it's going to be, it helps me to try to take advantage of the couple hours per day I don't have a headache. I'm going to keep it simple. I think I'll start with walking regularly (even if only 1/2 mile), getting in my water, and making sure to have at least a couple of fruits/veggies per day. I'm also going to lower my weight loss expectations. I'm thinking maybe 3 pounds per month, instead of the "more" that I really want to do. Even if it takes me 3 - 4 years to lose this weight, I'd be halfway there if I had been doing this the past couple of years. I truly want to change my habits.
It's very difficult for me to ask for help, but I'm asking. I was able to lose about 40 pounds a few years ago on SP. I need to lose that 40 again (!) and the other 100 or so. I may not have many brains most days, and I may be trying to find ways to remind myself of simple things that I want to do, but I KNOW that SP works, and I really would like your support.
Most of the time, the headache is gone by 6 p.m. at the latest. So I should be able to spark in the evenings (now watch me have one tomorrow evening:-).
I look forward to getting back on this journey to a healthy lifestyle with my spark friends!