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    HEALTHYNCGAL   9,918
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I am NOT happy right now.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

So Day One of my Juice Fast has been surprisingly fine. But that's not what I'm unhappy about.

I weighed myself this morning and I'm at an all-time new high weight of 203.2. I actually wasn't that irritated because I knew that I was starting my juice fast and that I was going to also start training on my Couch to 5K program. So as the day progressed at work, my underwear, legs, and pants were all rubbing really weird on the very, very tops of my inner thighs, almost where my legs reach my butt. Anyway, because of all this rubbing, I have these HUGE blisters on that delicate skin. I mean, these are like the size of a whole finger. They are incredibly painful. I am literally sitting on an ice pack right now. Back up a bit...as soon as I got home, I noticed that almost all of my veggies burned up in the sun today. All my lettuces are gone, my spinach is essentially gone, and the one tomato that had come up was gone. I know I'm forgetting one or two other things as well. I was so excited...I had several things coming up and now I have almost nothing. And because of my stupid FAT legs rubbing together, I have these gigantic blisters so I couldn't go to the gym. (What am I going to do, walk more? Tear the blisters wide open, which will probably happen at work tomorrow anyway?) Husband even told me that I really don't need to be working out (especially running) right now anyway, because I still haven't gotten new shoes. I'm wearing this OLD pair of beat-up, cheap shoes that are all cracked and totally flat on the inside. So I got home, saw my poor plants, what's left of them anyway, then took a shower. I just cried. I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like there are all these things that I want to do, but I just can't seem to make any of them work out. I'm just feeling incredibly frustrated and sad and disappointed.

And hungry. I need to make my juice for tonight's "dinner," and guess what the rest of the family is having? Spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread. That's one of my FAVORITE meals. I can SMELL the garlic bread wafting from the kitchen into my bedroom. I make a mean garlic bread, too. After my shower, I did the load of laundry that I always do on Wednesday's, started dinner, and told Husband he'd have to finish making dinner (just make the pasta and stick the bread in the oven). I grabbed an ice pack the size of a laptop and stuck it between my legs. I am just so dang irritated right now I could scream.

I really need to go make some juice, but I think I'll make that after they've had dinner and have put everything away. I honestly don't even want to see food tonight. It was hard enough seeing two meals and a snack at school today...but those don't hold a candle to Mama's Spaghetti Dinner with Salad and Garlic Bread. **drool**

*sigh*
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HEALTHYNCGAL 5/15/2013 6:59PM

    DATPANNA, thanks for all the advice. None of it sounded harsh, I really appreciate it. I was just fresh in that moment when I said and felt like I can't do anything right. I was in a lot of pain, I was so ticked off about my plants, and mad at myself for leaving little baby sproutlets in the direct sun all day...I guess I was feeling like that was a dumb thing to do and that I should have known better. And I was also feeling really mad at myself for being at a new high weight and being so overweight that my legs were rubbing together and giving me blisters. That's why I said and felt what I did, but even now, I don't REALLY feel that way. It's just in the heat of the moment. But you're right, I shouldn't beat myself up so much. That's a habit that I'm trying hard to break. One thing I really try to consistently do when I'm feeling emotion is write. That's why I have this "journal" and I've had many others throughout the years. So if I say something heated in my journal, it's just because I'm venting. I might feel a particular way, but just in that moment that I'm writing it. I don't necessarily carry the feeling with me. Particularly if it's a negative emotion, I can write it, get it out, and move on. But again, you're correct in that I shouldn't slam myself...and again, I'm working on that :)

CAROLJ35, my mood was just from being irritated. I do experience "detox" symptoms when I juice, but not a few hours into a juice cleanse. And I am always careful to be healthy. I am still having the appropriate amount of calories, I drink lots of water, etc. And I'm just doing it to detox and cleanse, not as a fast weight loss fix. I would never do something like that. I don't do crazy crash diets hoping to lose 10 pounds in a weekend. I've just not been taking care of my body as of late, and I wanted to do a juice cleanse for a few days to put lots of good stuff into my body, and then I'll be getting back on a plant-based, whole foods diet. This juice cleanse is merely the first step of many in the right direction :)

Thanks for the support and feedback, everyone!

Comment edited on: 5/15/2013 7:00:55 PM

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DATPANNA 5/15/2013 6:08PM

    Stop beating yourself up for things you can't control. You can't help that blisters happened, and you can't help that your veggies went south. It happens. Why does that mean you " Can't do anything right." Blisters don't make you a failure, and neither does the sun wilting your crops. Yeah, it'd be nice if neither happened, but it's okay that it did.

All that being said, it does sound like a rough day. Enjoy your juice and stop giving yourself crap for nothing. You're doing great. Relax with your ice pack, and maybe pick out some new shoes to reward yourself with for sticking to your juice. You can do it!

Side note, I get the blisters too, but only if I wear dresses or skirts. So, if that's how you got them, try out some shorts underneath? Or go the pants route. They do hurt, but they'll heal up as long as you're wearing the right clothing.

Sorry if any of this sounded harsh! I just think now is a good time to tell yourself it's okay and pick yourself up versus beat yourself down. It's hard not to on bad days, I know. But it's alright. Chin up!!!!!

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CAROLJ35 5/15/2013 6:08PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Have you thought about the mental state you may encounter while on a "juice diet"? I know as I have tried some strange diets and usually ended up with a migraine or catching strept throat from some kid as my resistance was down.
I started Spark People eating 700 calories or less daily and losing NO weight. SP convinced me no woman should ever eat less than 1200 calories a day. When I started that the weight came off and I lost 50 lbs. in 14 months. First time in my 60+ years of dieting that I was ever successful.
Don't go hungry! Do it the "Spark" way!!!

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CARM1401 5/15/2013 5:17PM

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So sorry to hear about your day hopefully things will get better soon.

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