I feel like I have come completely off the deep end. I felt so good and rooted but over the last couple of days I have been antsy, irritated, frustrated. It got so bad I joined Weight Watchers (only to cancel the following day not resulting in a bunch of hoops for me to jump to get my $ back).
I am so tired of this pendulum swing. I go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. There are times I feel completely happy and content knowing that I am doing what is good for me with eating and exercise and there are other times I get so fed up that I feel like going to crazy extremes.
I felt so good about the Weight Watchers thing, I posted about it in a group I am a part of on Facebook and a complete (well almost) stranger brought reality crashing down around me. She knows of my... well, issues surrounding my current state of mind when it comes to things surrounding where I am at with my weight and she told me just about everything I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear. People suck sometimes
I think in the right frame of mind, Weight Watchers could be a good thing for me, but I really have to get a handle on the emotions.
I think being pregnant and breastfeeding for a year has done some damage to me metabolically and that is a lot of the reason I am not losing. Going back into another restrictive eating program is only going to make that worse, not better. The stupid thing is that I kept hearing a voice in the back of my mind telling me this the whole time I was signing up, but I shut it up. Completely silenced it. Ignored that inner voice. Intuition. Damn, I really suck sometimes.
I am so hard on myself. Sometimes I wonder if that is part of my problem.
the Biggest Loser is starting up and I signed up to be in the CAMO crew again. Love that group, love the support and the comeraderie. I feel good with that. I am right with Sparkpeople. Sparkpeople has been my "home" since early 2007. That is a very long time. When I go back and read my previous blogs, I long for those days when I was just starting out, everything was new, I was jsut getting started reading, absorbing, taking it all in. When I hit goal and maintained that for so long until I got pregnant that was pretty flipping cool. I wish sometimes I could be there again and not so effed up.
I will get it. I just need to accept stumbling as part of the process. I wish I could be one of those linear types of Point A (starting weight) to Point B (goal weight). But I feel like I am all over the freaking place all the time. I guess my point a to point be is a bit convoluted.
At any rate, I am glad for the forthright nature of people sometimes. I guess sometimes we don't need to hear sugar coated messages, but the blunt reality of how things really are. It sucks, but I am grateful