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strength, not so much.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

people have said that i am strong. sorry, i honestly can't see it. this isn't a pity party for myself, i just don't understand. BELIEVE me, i WANT to be strong, but i am not.

i am afraid i will disappoint myself, in this weight loss to fitness journey.
i am weak when it comes to eating. (especially if it is milk duds!)
i am weak when it comes to having endurance.
i am weak when it comes to physical strength.
i am weak when comes to following through.
i am weak when it comes to will power. (no thank you, i don't want one, okay maybe 10!)
i am weak when it comes to sentimental commercials! (give me some tissues!)
i am weak when it comes to confrontation.
i am weak when it comes to distractions. ("let's work out, hey, wait, is that a squirrel?")
i am weak when it comes to staying motivated.
i am weak when it comes to perseverance.
i am weak when it comes to my own body image.
i am weak when it comes to my self confidence.

and MANY more. people might think i am strong. hey, i can "fake it", when on the inside i am crumbling. i am REALLY good at that!

i think part of this is because i weigh myself again tomorrow (i only do it once a week-small victory-i used to weigh myself DAILY). i seem to get really freaked the day before i weigh myself. AND i ate over 3,000 calories yesterday. this was my own fault for having my two guilty pleasures... MILK DUDS and kelloggs' strawberry fruity snacks! what WAS i thinking! (lol! note to self, i can't trust myself to have my fave food in my house, especially tigger foods like milk duds and processed fruity gummy snacks!)

i know, i hafta trust God, trust myself, trust the process... all easy things to say, but to do? not so much.

well, time to work out, and eat healthy the rest of today.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon blog emoticon for posting
    1649 days ago
    You are strong because you are here! You are being honest to Lord only knows how many people! emoticon That alone shows your strength.

    Early in this journey I was very similar to you! I NEVER thought I'd have control of what I ate. I NEVER ran and thought those people that did were crazy. (Ok, that part may be true, but it's a good crazy.) emoticon I NEVER thought I'd be comfortable in my own skin. I NEVER thought I'd be on a site like SparkPeople blogging my feelings to "strangers." (Funny, those strangers feel like closer friends than some I have around me physically.)

    So I'm going to get a little "stronger" with you. We all know you CAN DO IT, so GET GOING! The next milk dud you see, turn around and take a 10 minute walk. Each moment you feel weak, see your SparkFriends standing next to you and gather strength from those of us on the same journey!

    Change that weak into STRONG! We know you CAN DO IT so DO IT!
    1650 days ago
    I love your blog! Thanks for being real and honest. It seems like you are making good choices despite the battle going on in your mind. But I think being afraid is not the same as being weak! We can choose not to let fear control us :) Sometimes real strength is admitting that we're not perfect and moving forward from there! emoticon
    1650 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    All we can do is fight this battle one day at a time. You will have good days and you will have bad days but you keep getting up and fighting every single day which makes you stronger than those that are just willing to settle.
    Keep on pushing every day to become stronger and stronger!
    You are doing awesome! emoticon emoticon
    1650 days ago
  • SARIC3
    I hope you don't think of me as one of those people that is overly positive or says 'oh you don't need to lose weight' or any of that. but

    YOU ARE STRONG. It takes strength to openly talk about your battles. It takes strength to face those battles to begin with. You are looking for perfection in yourself, and I'm sorry, but none of us are perfect.

    I can take everyone of your 'weakness' and put on my list. As a matter of fact, most are on my list in the form of goals.

    One of your weakness however is stressing about the things out of our control.

    For instance, I cry at those dumb ass commercials too. It pisses me off. I've seen that one with the Clydesdale I don't know how many times and I still cry. I have problems with what I call 'hormonal & seasonal' depression. This past winter I had enough and got help. However, I still cry at those stupid commercials sometimes!

    I'm rambling here, (yet another one of my weaknesses).

    But my point is, this is a list of things you would like to improve over your lifetime. Great list. But a weak person would not face the list.
    1650 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/15/2013 12:35:42 PM
  • JOHGLO2011
    Have you heard of the book, The Power of Positive Thinking? It doesn't mean that because you think it - it is automatically true. But there is great power in thinking positive and also speaking positive words. Try making a list of positive things about yourself and reading it daily! Be kind to yourself and do your best! Hugs! emoticon
    1651 days ago
    I feel like im reading about myself, you are so not alone!!! Good luck on this journey.... emoticon thank you for sharing!
    1651 days ago
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