strength, not so much.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
people have said that i am strong. sorry, i honestly can't see it. this isn't a pity party for myself, i just don't understand. BELIEVE me, i WANT to be strong, but i am not.
i am afraid i will disappoint myself, in this weight loss to fitness journey.
i am weak when it comes to eating. (especially if it is milk duds!)
i am weak when it comes to having endurance.
i am weak when it comes to physical strength.
i am weak when comes to following through.
i am weak when it comes to will power. (no thank you, i don't want one, okay maybe 10!)
i am weak when it comes to sentimental commercials! (give me some tissues!)
i am weak when it comes to confrontation.
i am weak when it comes to distractions. ("let's work out, hey, wait, is that a squirrel?")
i am weak when it comes to staying motivated.
i am weak when it comes to perseverance.
i am weak when it comes to my own body image.
i am weak when it comes to my self confidence.
and MANY more. people might think i am strong. hey, i can "fake it", when on the inside i am crumbling. i am REALLY good at that!
i think part of this is because i weigh myself again tomorrow (i only do it once a week-small victory-i used to weigh myself DAILY). i seem to get really freaked the day before i weigh myself. AND i ate over 3,000 calories yesterday. this was my own fault for having my two guilty pleasures... MILK DUDS and kelloggs' strawberry fruity snacks! what WAS i thinking! (lol! note to self, i can't trust myself to have my fave food in my house, especially tigger foods like milk duds and processed fruity gummy snacks!)
i know, i hafta trust God, trust myself, trust the process... all easy things to say, but to do? not so much.
well, time to work out, and eat healthy the rest of today.