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Running Keeps Me Sane...

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I got a nice 3.7 mile run in this morning. I am trying to figure out how to schedule it in before it gets too hot.

My son needs to eat breakfast at 7:30. Breakfast is his biggest meal. He never ate breakfast before this - even when he was little it was such a struggle! Now it is his favorite meal, so we go out every morning to one of his three favorite restaurants. I bought food items to make breakfast here - he loves jalapeƱos so I have those, eggs, feta cheese, and steak in the fridge - ready to cook. He still wants to go out instead! So I end up eating it for my lunch while he is at therapy!

Anyway, I get up at 6, take Roxy out for her walk, then get ready and am out the door at 7:30. I eat a light breakfast out with him, then run when we get back to the apartment. It's been real hot here (90's) since I came back, so if I don't get out then it doesn't happen. I am focusing on running every morning now so I should be ok. After I run I hop in the hot tub then the pool. It is a nice reward.

I am eating more so my son eats more. I am hitting close to 2000 cals per day ( I am used to 1200 - 1500). He eats more when I eat more, so I have to right now. I am going to up my miles. My mom (a runner) said when I get to ten miles it won't affect me. Right now I have a gut and it is uncomfortable.

Running is so good for my spirit. My son is moody. His therapist told me to stay on him about eating (he has to finish 100% of his plate, eat 3000 + cals, not drink any beer, etc). I pick my battles. He is eating a lot more and foods he didn't eat before (potatoes, gravy, butter - yes, all the things most of us need to avoid!). And restaurant portions are so huge. One thing I do point out is for him not to eat half of anything. We are taught to do that - anorexics do that as a habit and cardinal rule. I told him that's why he has to eat more than half so he does.

Anyway, quite frequently he says mean things - its not easy being the food police! I feel like i am walking on egg shells. I am told it's "normal" because he is malnourished and using his disease as power. This is what wears me down. I have put my entire life on hold, am away from my husband, home and friends and it is not appreciated. He was not raised this way and it should not be. It has my brother furious. There are lots of times where I want to say "screw it" and go home but when I am not here he drops a lot of weight - and fast. I can't wait until he is more even-keeled.

So that is why running is so important to me. Besides Roxy, it is the only thing I have out here, all the way across the country. I love to listen to my positive music as I run - it gives me a much deserved mental break.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1642 days ago
    You are such a good Mom! Yes, the running does help your well being immensely, so keep up the good work there too.
    1648 days ago
    While you are struggling, I find it inspirational that you are keeping strong for your son and reaching out to the community to support you. I'm happy to hear you have running and hope that it keeps you going. As many folks have said here, hopefully, your son will come out of this stronger too and recognize all that you have done for him.
    1649 days ago
    Frustration with yourself often comes out in anger. Your family is what is most important and you are taking care of things. I think you are doing a superb job.

    I don't know what is happening with your work. I wouldn't lay any of that on your son.

    Take care of yourself and run as you are able to. You don't have anything to prove to anyone. You have lost weight and know what to do. Right now, help you son if you can.

    You are a wonderful mother! Hugs!
    1650 days ago
    You are doing awesome! emoticon
    1650 days ago
    I love & admire that through all of this you keep doing what works. You may not always feel like it, but you really are one tough cookie!
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    1650 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/15/2013 10:06:59 AM
    I appreciate you and everything that you're doing emoticon
    You're a great mom, and I'm very hard on my own mother as well... but we do appreciate everything... even if we don't see it right away. Kids are as strong minded as the rest of us. He's tough because you're tough!
    1650 days ago
    That sounds so difficult.
    I'm glad you have running, it's helped me through some stressful days.
    1650 days ago
    I'm so so glad that you have running to help you through such a difficult time. I think he appreciates what you're doing,but just can't tell you that now. Someday he will understand what an in dibble mother you are.
    1650 days ago
    I'm glad running helps you tolerate this very difficult situation.
    Managing you son's health is now a full time job for you, and it is so unfair that he doesn't appreciate it.
    He can't appreciate your support now because he is struggling with his eating disorder, but once he will be healed he will know what you did for him.
    Hugs, Kriszta

    1650 days ago
    Keep running Sista! I truly understand your title of your blog. Running helps me to keep some sort of control in my life, instead of snapping!
    1650 days ago
    Sometimes running is the only thing that makes one feel that we're *doing* something, and we need to be *doing* something... it assuages the anxiety, and as you say... keeps us sane! Run and Spark on! emoticon
    1650 days ago
  • MAGGIE101857
    My heart goes out to you and your family; what a difficult position to be in. A Mom will go to any length to help our children and there will be many that will not understand or support you. Sending you hugs and keeping you in my prayers; keep running and taking care of yourself, as much as possible.

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    1650 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    Milk shakes? Smoothies made with full fat milk and an avocado and then loaded up with fruit? Plenty of good quality calories there and he can sip on a cup in between meals. I dont know anything, but I know its dark for you now, you are doing something positive with the stress (running) and your son needs you. God bless.
    1650 days ago
    If he puts on weight when you are around, then you are the biggest influence on him right now-kind of a compliment in a round about way. It is hard right now, but when he is better, he will see everything you have done for him.

    Stay strong and keep running!
    1650 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1650 days ago
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