Wednesday, May 15, 2013
It has been almost a year ago that I sat down and got everything organized to start my journey with Sparkpeople. I bought scales, had some things in my studio to exercise, healthy food. I got up on Wednesday morning, weighed and begun an up and down ride of weight loss and healthier eating.
Most of it has been good. I got stronger in dealing with cravings, started really focusing on water intake, logged in and tracked everyday. I exercised approx 5 days a week. In the beginning I was lucky to do half hour..I worked my way up in intensity as well as time. I wasn't really shooting for time as a badge of honor as much as the fact that I was enjoying what I was doing and some days it would be 2 hours before I would finally call it quits.
I had a couple of deadlines to shoot for, just for motivation, a trip to New Zealand, the trip home to see my family and my wedding. By that time I had lost 35lbs. When I got back to Australia I ended up losing another 5 to finally bring my weight loss to 40lbs. Since then the scales have not budged..well they have, they have had a small creep upwards...since middle of March I have not been as motivated as I was. There are lots of factors contributing to this I know and I am not going to write them all here..they could be construed as excuses I guess..but it is not your typical things, alot of it has to do with subconscious emotions wreaking havoc on me.
All that aside, as I approach my one year anniversary as being active on SP ( I have been a member since 2006 but was never "active" until May 2012) I realize it is time to sit down and get that motivation from a year ago back. New goals in mind and still about 15lbs to lose.
I am studying to be a Group FItness instructor and hopefully after I am established in that career again I will move forward to being a Personal Trainer as well. I want to do both but I can also take my Group Fitness cert and do small group trainings, outside trainings etc which is also a goal and may precede the personal training thing for a while.
Either way, that alone should be my motivation..and mentally I tell myself that but when it comes time to buckle down, something is stopping me. That goal is more concrete than just looking good or feeling better...this could be and should be even more important as it is my life and my career at risk. I think a part of me is afraid of failure..I mean it is posted all over Facebook and has been on here several times about me training to be an instructor..that should be kicking me in the butt, but instead it is making me withdraw. In a lot of ways I am scared to take on this challenge. It is different than when I taught in America, I was younger and I eased into it, and well, it was in my home country with friends and family around for support.
Just trying to get a grasp on why, when I am so close to my goal, am I finding it hard to be motivated..this is a lifestyle change. forever..I am not viewing this as a diet, not sure why I am feeling this rebellion against it all. (now don't get me wrong I am NOT going nuts on un-healthy eating but not as clean as I was or want to be).
Ok, I will stop venting for now, need to go get some studying in and create a new workout calendar for half marathon training for August..maybe that will be a spot of inspiration!!!