Tuesday, May 14, 2013
I feel like I'm suffocating. Like the plastic bag has been pulled over my head and I'm fighting for air but it doesn't matter how much I fight I can't find relief.
In general, all is good. In micro bits everything seems to be falling apart or at least cracking. Here's how it unfolds ...
The Foster Kitties
In general - it's all about the love, safety and health of the furry babies. I'm okay to let them go when foster care is complete. It'd break my heart but I know someone will love them.
In Micro bits - it's darn hard to care for TWO foster babies and do it right. Feeding, care, cleaning and safety of four week old babies is exhausting and time consuming. The Mr is NOT willing to let them go. He's attached! As are my two older furry babies. I had to take a morning off from work due to the Mr's schedule and not being able to leave the kitties in the kennel for extended periods of time. It was last minute. SIGH
The Boys aka my two older cats
In general - they are fabulous. I love them like mad.
In Micro bits - they have become attached to the two wee ones. So much so that they panic if something appears wrong at any given moment. That's tough to take. One of them likes to wake me at 4:00 a.m. to play or at other random times during the night. Sleep is fleeting at this point ...
In general - I'm healthy and my body is adjusting. I haven't binged in quit sometime now.
In Micro bits - I haven't lost weight for months now. It would appear all things have stalled, again. SIGH. I do. I change. I stay the same. I won't become complacent about it either! I am going to have a bunch of blood tests done to see if is crazy within my inner bits that need a tone up. Oh joy ...
In general - I've come to terms with being a walker vs. a runner. The pressure is off!
In Micro bits - one of my healthcare professions suggested to me today that I might want to cut back on my walking to see if that will allow me to loose weight again. I asked if she could be my taxi service due to the bulk of my walking being for commute purposes. I'm tired of being told NOT to workout and move my body. She also suggested I increase my ST training. It's always fun to micromanage someone else's world, so I think.
Apartment life in the Bay Area
In general - I adore my little one bedroom apartment. I've been in the same place for 10 years plus - I'm comfortable. The location is perfect for all my daily needs. Yet, we need a bigger place.
In Micro bits - Moving is stressful AND expensive. Plus, the Bay Area might be a great place to live but it's also dangerous and expensive. Pick the wrong location and you might be hit by a stray bullet or be knifed by your neighbor. I don't make this stuff up. Plus, rental prices are crazy high. Owners no longer look for the right tenant but rather the bottom line. If you want affordable housing you live in a war zone / gang territory. If you want safety you pay the same as you would for a mortgage but you have nothing to show for it in the end.
In general - it's all good. We are quickly approaching our 5 year anniversary.
In Micro bits - he needs to step it up and pay up. Get a different job and earn a bigger paycheck. He needs to stop talking about vacation ... it might not happen this year and I don't need the pressure of trying to make it happen.
In general - I still have a job. THANK.YOU.VERY.MUCH
In Micro bits - I feel like unemployment is right around the corner due to the boss being a horrible money manager.
Human baby -
In general - it's a great idea.
In Micro bits - are you kidding me? A great reward BUT ...
The Mr has tunnel vision on this one and I'm just standing still. The Mr is of the mindset that it will all just work out so why not move forward. I am so not that type of person!
So ya, everything on the surface is GREAT! Underneath it - in the darkness - I am panicky and suffocating. Once things start to move I think I'll find the release and breath I need. Until then, I just keep fighting.