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Fear is my clue: Analyzing for change


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I decided to take a look at the things that are wrong in my life so that I can know how to change them for good.

In order to find balance in my life, I need to make changes in four areas each day:
1) SPIRITUAL
2) PHYSICAL
3) NUTRITIONAL
4) SOUL(Emotional - Social - Creative)

Therefore, I have decided to keep my eyes open every day for fear. If I fear something, I will realize that it is something that needs to be worked on and changed.

Everyday from now on I will work on something in all four categories so that over time, I will have a balanced life that full and vibrant.

My real name means, "He shall add a pearl." I like that, and I accept it as a promise from my Creator.

Today, I walked 2.4 miles (PHYSICAL). While I did so, I listened to two days worth of the Daily Audio Bible (SPIRITUAL). I also made two phone calls to maintain social contact with people I love, made arrangements to clean the church I attend one week per month, and agreed to socialize with my dance teacher...someone I haven't socialized with before. This means I will expand my friendships over time with her. I am also going to go to Memphis tomorrow night with her, and I just called my close friend to make plans for a standing date each month for Girls' Night Out at my house (which all attacks my social phobia with a vengeance) (SOUL).

Finally, I am tracking my food, but my food choices are limited right now with my husband off work. Therefore, the best I can do is watch my calories rather than choose really nutritious foods. (NUTRITIONAL) I do have some fruit and a few fresh veggies. There are some canned goods but they tend to have high sodium counts so I have to be careful there.

As I grow more courageous, I will be able to stand up for myself when my husband goes grocery shopping with me. As it is, I usually don't say much when he puts the food in the cart that he wants to eat and I skip the nutritious stuff I like to eat because I know he won't eat it. I know that sounds like an excuse, but I also know he won't eat kale, collards, broccoli, or any of those other veggies that I really like to eat, and we cannot afford to buy everything that we both like right now, so I will eat what he likes and just watch my calories until he gets back to work.

Anyway, I am making progress.
One day at a time.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
HAPPYDOES 5/14/2013 9:53PM

    I just wanted to add that this past week everything snowballed on me. I usually don't cry in public, and I can usually hide my social phobia behind my Fibromyalgia which keeps me indoors a lot or gives me a good excuse for breaking engagements.

The things I mentioned in the last comment have been spread across the last 4 years so it isn't like I do these things in public all the time.

I say that my family (of origin) thinks I'm a nutjob. Maybe that is just my perception since I don't live anywhere near them and they only see me about two times per year, if that much.

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify these things.


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HAPPYDOES 5/14/2013 7:07PM

    Maybe I will write that book someday, MawMaw. If I do, it will probably be after my parents have died. I don't ever want to hurt them.

Joanna,
Thank you. And, I understand how you feel, but my life has become unbearable. I have closed down so much and closed out almost everyone. My family thinks I'm a nutjob, and I think my dad may have written me off this past week.

I have to change. It is just that simple. When being in a group of people, even my own family makes me so nervous that I walk on eggshells and break down in tears just to relieve the pressure, I definitely need to change.

When I am so concerned about embarrassing myself every time I am in public that I cancel appointments, or drop out of college because I am afraid to write a paper and turn it in, or walk out of a painting class just because someone brought out a camera...this is too much.

And when it begins to cause me to even doubt God and His love for me, then I know I have crossed a line that should never be crossed, and I have got to change.

My life has become a living hell because of social phobia.

The good news is I know The Redeemer and He will help me. emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/14/2013 9:33:40 PM

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MAWMAW101 5/14/2013 5:00PM

    emoticon
Don't know if you are keeping a copy of your blogs as you continue on your great adventure but someday you will write the most awesome inspirational book! Those Monks will be proud!
P.S. Thanks for my balloons.

Comment edited on: 5/14/2013 5:04:53 PM

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JOANNATR0001 5/14/2013 4:42PM

    I admire you. I am pretty frightened myself. And the vision of meeting people that, I guess, are my friends freaks me out. I hate socializing. As much as I like to help people at work (I work in services), I really hate going out... Maybe that benefited to yhe weight problem?
Stay safe on your path!

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