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    BLUEMATTER   1,312
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Internet back on ...


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

emoticon so the husband in a fit of anger - cause Life just will not go his way no matter what, had our internet turned off. I think maybe he wanted me to beg (i am addicted to sparkpeople and pinterest) to have it turned back on, but i didn't. I walked more with LeslieSansone in my basement, I got out of the house more and did whatever I wanted. A few weeks ago he barked incessantly about how I spent entire Sat & Sun from the home and therefore we (me and him) had NO Alone time together. LMBO. We never do. What he really meant was I wan't there to fix his breakfast, make his coffee, fix his lunch, and have cold beers in freezer and running out there to hand him one every 10 minutes. So, this past Sunday, I went out for about 5 hours and he asked me why I was going to go to the Bookstore - and I told him it was Mothers Day and I am a mother. He shook his head in disbelief and I left. It was a good day to be away from him.

I am just hoping to get some really positive news tomorrow from counseling about how to find a job without any references (since I haven't worked in the real world in over 15years) and I've moved 3 times in that time span, so Yes, I have NO references and barely qualifications. Also, they are supposed to let me know what type of housing is available to a woman in her 40's with no job skills, no money, and an impending divorce on her heels. Talk about Big Steps.

My weight fluctuates between 172 & 177 depending on the day. I have had a crazy last two weeks with my meds. Diabetes was out of control only for me to find out I had a nasty UTI and therefore those two diseases were fighting one another. The antibiotics given to me caused some freaky symptoms to include an out of nowhere panic attack. And now I also have to take a prescription med to reduce the heartburn and it makes me drowsy. Real drowsy. Not sure I like taking that.

Since this weird medicine ritual issue, nothing tastes good to me. Not even SF popsicles. I have stopped drinking coffee with cream and just altogether cheese. I knew I was lactose intolerant but I didnt realize just how much the other dairy products were keeping me feeling icky. But, the only thing that tastes good and that I can keep down is french fries and dip them in mustard, ketchup tastes awful right now.

My depression meds don't seem to be keeping me less depressed, don't know if i have become immune to them or the extra stress is making them work overTime. I still don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to walk, go swim, leave the house, or leave the bed. I could just sleep but mainly I think cause I am so darned tired from giving early pampering to the stupid mean husband, and just not getting in enough exercise to make me feel better. It's like one bad dream after another.

Thanks to every one who continues to be supportive of me on my blog posts and my sparkpage and my boards i post to. I try really hard to get over there and say emoticon to all of you, but sometimes I just get sidetracked and the moment is lost. I am though greatly appreciative of all the inspiration/motivation and love that you send my way. One of these days I am gonna be able to return the favor doubleFoLd.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
2HAMSDIET 5/14/2013 4:50PM

    Keep focusing on what is good for you. emoticon emoticon

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MPETERSON2311 5/14/2013 1:55PM

    I'm glad to see u back. I was worried. I hope u feel better and find a better atmosphere for you soon. Way to go on the Leslie DVDs and getting out of the house.

YOU can do this! And if certain people aren't supportive the it's their loss

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KIMCOLLINGS 5/14/2013 1:44PM

    Hang in there. You're going through a really tough time now, but you'll get through it and come out stronger and happier once everything is sorted out. We'll be here for you. Sure glad you're back!

For the references, I remember when I applied for my first job and didn't have any. They said that I could use leaders/people in the community that I've interacted with. Didn't necessarily have to be a job. I used my principle as I was in school, but I also used the leader of a charity group that I was involved in. I also used the church pastor. You might give something like that a try and just indicate the role they play. You could list things like that as experience too because you can still showcase your skills that could be applicable to a job you apply for.

I hope you can get out and exercise some. Just walking can really clear your head and it's nice to get a change of scenery when things are tough at home.

Hang in there!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/14/2013 1:47:08 PM

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