I have been making plans to change things.
I have several alarms set on my phone to remind me to call people every day so that I have social contact with people I love.
I am trying to expand my world again.
Yesterday, my husband went up into the attic and took out my keyboard. I cleaned it off and he found a cord for it. I am going to begin to play after 15 years or so. It was another casualty of my social phobia as is my singing. I used to sing in public for more than a two decades but I stopped altogether about four years ago. I don't draw anymore, but I just created my first mixed media piece on canvas board for my grandson who is due to be born in five weeks.
I look forward to playing the keyboard again. I can't read music. I just put on a CD and sit down and play what I hear. I love to play along with Eric Clapton or or Boston or other groups that have electric guitars.
Last night, I went to dance class. My teacher invited me to go to Memphis with her Wednesday to hear Gladys Night sing. Then she invited me to begin to just hang out with her from time to time when she's in town or going to the nearby town to shop or have lunch. I'm grateful for her kindness.
I can feel my shell beginning to crack open and I am going to wedge my foot in it so it can't slam shut again. Then I'm going to press my full weight against it and do all I can to break it open and to live full and free. And finally, I plan to burn that shell to ashes when I am finally out of it so that I will never have anything to trap me again.
OK...I'm off...with my face toward the "monks" on my walk this morning, and then, I'll make my morning social phone call...actually two of them. One the second one, I plan to make a standing "Girls' Night Out" date with my one close friend and ask her to bring her sister so that I can get to know her better over time.
This will meet two of my goals for the day: the one for fitness and the one that speaks of coming out of my shell.
P.S. Just as I was about to click "Post Blog Entry," this thought came to mind: "I'll make losing weight and coming out of my shell my full time job."
I'll need to think more about that to figure out all the ways to do it, but I think it is a great idea!