So much is going on lately. Iíve been packing on the stress eating pounds. I try not to cry and keep breathing as I explain.
My son (from a previous marriage) who is 4.5 years old and goes to daycare has been very violent to his classmates. They are threatening to kick him out 2 weeks from now. He comes home and is a totally different person. He doesnít hit and around others is very charismatic and affectionate. He is very articulate and intelligent so he isnít applicable for special education classes at the River Trails School District because he doesnít have a learning disability. I work 8-5p Mon-Fri at a doctorís office and I really canít take off time to try and get him into like a Head Start Program (half day). His deadbeat father hasnít gotten him insurance like our divorce decree stimulates so most pediatric psychologists/therapists donít take my kind of insurance. I feel so stressed and so trapped like no one is willing to help me. I got beat over the head with this at the daycare like ďHere.. do something to fix this.. but do it in 2 weeks!Ē So I have to punish something he doesnít display at home? After the fact? I think Iím going to have to quit my job and stay home with him and my baby girl. Really what choice do I have? I keep looking at the finances and even if I sold 1 of 2 cars, and cut everything from the budget like cable tv, internet, car insurance, clothes, diapers (disposable), etc I think weíd BARELY make it.
My son does not watch ANY TV at home, he doesnít listen to violent music in the car, he doesnít even have superhero books to read or to color. Iíve changed his diet to a similar one as mine which is no sugar really, not even carbs that turn into insulin. Iím trying so so so so hard and not seeing any results. Is there something I did? Or something I didnít do? Why have I failed? Heís so intelligent and loving.. I donít know what happened. I feel like a bad parent.
His loser father I informed that he was having trouble in school so over the weekend please donít give him any candy or let him watch violent tv shows. So the very SECOND my son walked in the door he showed me that he at MOSTLY candy and got to watch superheroes on Netflix (The Hulk, Avengers, Batman, Spiderman, other etc people knocking the crap out of bad guys). This is so passive-aggressive and heís not doing my son any favors. This only pushes me closer to LOSING MY JOB, my way of life, and forcing me to stay at home with a baby and a boy that Iím not trained to educate. So instead of going to school and learning to read, play nice with others, colors, numbers, reading clocks, etc my ex has pushed my hand so that the boy will most likely stay home where my attention will most likely be focused on a baby and push my son further down the road of attention seeking destruction.
I will probably get a little government aid.. MAYBE?.. and if I lose my job I think Iíll take this time to try for the 3rd and final baby. I will also get married to my partner whom is nothing like my monster of an ex. Heís my best friend. But this isnít fair to him either. Not only will I be selling his car, his last non-dad thing, but he will have to work longer, harder hours and have the stress of the entire familyís financials on his shoulders. Does he deserve that? =( Heís my best friend. I donít want that for him. We most likely wouldnít be using the heat or AC and maybe even switching to cloth diapers and wipes. So much would be cut. We wouldnít go out to eat EVER or even be able to buy his family Christmas presents. I donít want to break his heart like that.
All I want to do is buy a big box of fries from the place across the hall from my work and stuff my pain down with some fries and ketchup. I ate a whole bag of Reeses Pieces over the weekend too. I just feel like I deserve to feel good, a little.. somewhere.. somehow. I feel horrifically sick after eating this junk though. I donít know how to cope anymore. Thereís all these great diets out there but NONE of them explain how to deal with such life stealing anxiety and stress!