Not as Planned

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day. I had no idea if the kids or my fiancé had anything planned other than we were going to go see his mother today. What I did not plan was spending mother's day alone. Which is what I am doing now.

I am sitting here alone while the kids and my fiancé have gone to see his mother.

Why didn't I go? Because I did not want to go and pretend everything was fine when it is not.

Last night we argued, my fiancé and I, he always wants to go out and drink with the neighbours and I go all the time with him but they are all smokers, so is my fiancé, so they spend the evening in the garage smoking and talking about hockey and football...that's the neighbours wives too. Anyways, what always ends up happening is that it gets too smoky in the garage so they open the door and it gets cold. I should mention that it was 6 degrees last night and raining. Nobody talks to me and I cannot contribute to the conversation because I don't know anything about hockey or football. So I end up leaving and going home because I am cold and bored.

So this week I decided that I would try to avoid this exact situation by sending him a text saying 'you should invited the neighbours over Saturday night'. I got no response from this.

I should also mention that we have 3 kids 12yrs and younger and of all the neighbours kids only one of the 4 is still in school - she's in grade 11. So when we go to their houses we are leaving our 3 kids at ours unattended...mind u they are in bed, but still, they are unattended. So why are we going over there instead of them coming over here for that fact alone I don't know.

So Saturday afternoon I took my mother to the movies for mother's day because I knew we would be seeing his on sunday. I got home around 6pm and he started talking about going to the neighbours. I told him I did not want to go out because I was out all day and we are out all day tomorrow.

We sat on the couch for a while and I took a nap. When I woke up he was ready to go out and said 'Are you staying home?'. I said yes, and I think you should too. Why didn't you invite the neighbours over I asked. He said because he did not want to clean the house and why couldn't I invite them over? I said why couldn't you have responded to my text saying any of that instead of waiting until right before you want to leave to discuss it?

He said it is always the same and that I never want to go and I complain about it being smokey and being cold and sitting in a corner sulking because I am bored. I said if you see that every time I come with you and I still come with you most times, why can't you try to compromise and have people over here every once in a while?

He yelled at me and called me childish and actually made a motion like he was going to hit me but pulled back. I told him that if it was so important to him to go out and smoke and drink with the neighbours without a care for how that makes me feel then he could go but not to come back.

Yes, I probably pushed it a little too far but I was angry.

So an hour later he sends me a text saying 'it's warm in here now....come over.

I send back that I can't get past the fact that he wanted to hit me.

He sends back that he is not impressed with himself and is very sorry.

I text back that I am also not impressed that his reasons for not having people over tonight included not wanting to clean and why couldn't I call them.

I sent 2 further texts after that and he never responded again.

I have been with him for 5 years so have known the neighbours for that long. He has known them forever and never call me to invite me over it is always through him. The last time I tried to call them over they said they had already asked him to come over there...him, not us. They don't care whether I am there or not and after last night I doubt that my fiancé cares if I am there or not.

My thoughts on why he did not respond to my texts is that he knew I was already mad and he already had what he wanted - he was out drinking and smoking in the garage - why come home and apologize? He'll just enjoy his night and deal with me another time.

So today when he asked if I was coming I said no - that was all he said to me today - are you coming- no apology, no talking about what happened, no sorting things out...he just wanted me to come and pretend like everything was ok when it was not.

So right now my mother's day sucks and I could not even enjoy the fact that the kids gave me gifts and made me breakfast and now they are all gone to my fiance's mother's place and I have no idea when they will be back...but what I do know is that whatever excuse he gives for me not coming to his mother is not going to paint me in a favourable light to a woman that doesn't like me to begin with.

And I wonder how many days it is going to be before he actually tries to talk to me or if he just figures that if he ignores the problem it will go away.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sorry,you are hurting,this is a delicate situation and probably requires some good hard questions for each of you.I am only answering and carefully because I too had a angry situation at my home a few weeks back and wrote about it.I honestly wish I hadn't,that is me,I am not referring to you.I talked to my male psychologist about it,and he helped me see through my husband's eyes.Our situation's are very different,and even though my children are grown,they still want mom and dad to love each other.My husband and I have been married for 21 years,we have a lot of history,good,hard,sad,beautiful,his
    tory,we treasure that.I wish you all the best,I am nervous about sending this as it's easy to be misunderstood when you cannot talk face to face,but I really care for families,and I that you are lonely,do you have a mom around still?
    1770 days ago
    I am so sorry things turned out so badly..... hope they get better soon...
    1771 days ago
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