Sunday, May 12, 2013
I am baffled. I am really trying to understand why I continue to backslide. I don't like how I look. I hate how my clothes fit. I am bummed that I often don't have enough energy for the day. Yet I continue to sabotage my efforts. I'll have enthusiasm for a couple of days, and then fall back into bad habits. Why do I stop myself from succeeding?
Each time I tell myself it's going to be different. This time I'm going to stick with it. And then I stop tracking and start eating. I make up excuses for not working out. I ignore healthy guidelines. I simply blow through it, all the time hating myself for not committing again. It's so frustrating. I was in WW for 6 YEARS. Never hit my goal. Would get close, and then fall off the wagon and eat my way back to almost the starting point.
I have a conference in a week where I am traveling with a colleague who is lovely and thin. I'm already dreading the "oh my god, I'm such a fat cow" thoughts that will sneak in all through the week as I stand next to her skinny, fit body. A month ago I told myself, that I'd focus on losing weight and building habits so that this time wouldn't feel so bad. And yet, here we are 7 days away, and I am no further along in taking care of me.
I appreciate the time to vent here. Sometimes just saying it out loud helps me own the behavior and thinking. But I'd sure love some ideas on how I can get past this 2 steps forward, one step back effort I'm making...