Skinny BF has learned to be supportive :-)
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Well it took me by surprise; I had a conversation with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago about my intention to get back on track moving towards a healthy life and he was supportive and helpful. Of course that is how it should be but it has not always been that way. He has held the belief that me being fat (obese actually) is not a problem because that is simply my physical makeup. It is great that he can accept a wide range of physical characteristics in people but what he failed to see was the toll that my weight was taking on me physically. I am not sure what changed for him. We have argued and had times of heartfelt conversation about this topic over the years and until last week it really had not gotten to a place that was helpful for me. At times he has been contradictory, enabling, and outright hostile about my attempts to change. I know that part of that was just him not being in a position to understand what it is like to be overweight. He has never experienced this in any significant way for himself. He is one of those people who can pretty much eat what he wants and tends to stay within a 10 lb range. In the 8 years I have know him I have only once seen him at the top of that 10 lb range and the following week he had shrunk again (really, is that fair? :-). He also hates to exercise. I gave him a lot of grace because he really is a good person and we have been through a lot together but I thought this was going to be the issue that ended it. Then all of a sudden it is like he got smacked with a lightening bolt of understanding. When it comes to my weight, I don't need to be enabled, coddled, encouraged to make excuses, ignored, set up for failure, lied to, etc. I just need someone to function in reality with me. I can't eat all I want of whatever I want, whenever I want and I have to exercise....that is it period.
So we were on the phone and I was telling him I had just come from my doctor's office and my doctor basically listened to my usual excuses, then shrugged them off (well he's heard them a million times from me and others) and told me that I know what it is that I need to do and I need to do it. I agreed and he gave me some advice for my diet and said I need to exercise 30 minutes per day at least 3 times per week, no excuses. My BF's usual would have been to change the subject or say something about how he loves me just as I am. But not this day. On this day he agreed with my doctor and reiterated that I know what it is that I need to do and I just need to do it. And then he said 30 minutes out of an entire day is not that long. He said that even if I couldn't get through the 30 minutes in the beginning I should start with what I can do and build from there. He then talked about the resources I already have; a treadmill, work out DVDs, and the great outdoors where I could go walk for free. He then told me, "Baby, I know that you can do this." I was like--who is this guy? :-) I know that it is up to me. It is something that I must do for me but it sure feels good to finally have him in my corner as a support. I wasn't sure if this conversation was a fluke but he has continued to be supportive.
It may be too early for me to push for him to go to the gym with me. I have to give him time to grow into this healthy support role but who knows one day we might actually work out together. One step at a time.