I've been mulling it over. I'm not going back to the way things were. I'm not going to track everything I eat, live in restriction, etc. I did it for years, it got me nowhere, and I'm not doing it anymore.
I said I was done with the Diet and Weight Loss Empire. And I'm done.
I've chosen my path. I've left the crossroads behind. I'll whine, I'll fidget, I'll agonize, but whatever. I did all that before anyway.
Sure, everybody diets these days (especially if you're female - dudebros can get away with a few extra pounds, and aren't told to constantly starve themselves). But my general psychology professor taught me an important lesson:
What is TYPICAL isn't necessarily NORMAL, and what is NORMAL isn't always RIGHT.
Just because everyone is counting calories, restricting food groups, etc... doesn't mean that it's normal.
Hell, everyone used to smoke - it was typical. But it wasn't normal, and definitely wasn't safe, or the right thing to do.
I'm going to eat at least 1800 calories/day. I might eat more. I might mess things up, and I might gain a couple pounds. I'll get the f*ck over it.
My quality of life is SO MUCH BETTER since I gave up tracking in October. And I'm in the same clothes. I can eat ice cream without agonizing over exactly *how much* hot fudge is on it (yes, I eat ice cream, and yes, I'll eat hot fudge if I want it). I eat enough to GAIN MUSCLE, not just LOSE WEIGHT, and so now I can pick up Avery and throw him in the air (and catch him again, don't worry).
I just deadlifted 100 lbs the other day. No big deal. I'll do it again on Monday - maybe 105. I feel like I had a little left in the tank last time.
I know how to eat well. I eat whole foods, lots of fruits, veggies, protein. I rarely eat added sugars and candy. I hardly ever have fast food. I can run, walk, dig, lift, ride, etc... I am fairly healthy. I don't feel deprived - I don't like crappy food like chips, Cheetos, microwave dinners, etc...
(ok, I do like pizza
and ice cream
But who doesn't? So what?)
My goal now is to chill the eff out. I'm only worried because my pants are feeling snug in the waist. But I had some pistachios, I was in Chicago last week, and at my mom's a couple weeks ago... it's fine. And my body is changing - Airin compliments me all the time on how things are looking different.
I might not be *smaller* but I'm better.
Thanks for all of your (detailed) support, everyone. I really do appreciate it. I feel like I have a fantastic support group here. If you want to know why I gave up "dieting"check out my blogs from around October 26th. That's when I realized I was doing what I was *supposed to* but with no results. That's when I decided I preferred no results with pizza instead.