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My wife is dead

Saturday, May 11, 2013

My wife went to the hospital, from the doctor's office on April 3rd for pneumonia after what she thought waw a cold.4 days later, she comes home and falls and breaks her femur 14 hours after discharge. A week later, she is transfered to a nursing home for rehab and to contiune healing. 2 weeks later, we had her "Celebration of Life". I am devestated. I am heartbroken. I have been with her over half of my life. I was 19 when we met. She, unfortunately, was 41. Now, I am 41. Now, she is gone. I'm not sure how to deal, but thank God in heaven, I have wonderufl freinds and family that are helping me to get through this. Today is the first night I will spend by myself. My sister and brother-in-law have been here and if they weren't, I was at my wife's (mine ???)niece's house with her family. Tonight, it's me and Coco. I think I will get through this. This is what Kathy would want. She would want me to be strong. She would want me to go on. She would want me to take care of Coco. She wouild want me to find something else to hold on to after he goes to be with her. I will always love her and miss her. I know that. But, I will also always have her with me as long as I do that. I know there may come a day it may be 1/2 an hour after I wake up til I think about her instead of 1/2 a second, and then it may be half a day, then maybe evening. But, there will never come a day that I will not think about her. Yes, we had our rough times but there were WAY too many good times to dwell on that. I do know that I will dwell on that from time to time, but I promise not to let it consume me. I know I will feel guilty, like I told you I did, but I will not let it fill my days and nights. I will believe that I did everythign that I could for her because I did, and I know that. I know that you worry about me and are afraid for my life. You will probably never stop because you know that she wouldn’t have and I promise, to you, to her, to everyone, I WILL NOT DIE WITHOUT A FIGHT!!! I know that at some point, I may need to hospitalized or helped a little more, but I will trust my friends and family to hlpe me to get the help that I need. Right now, I am a little scared and depressed, but I will go on.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oona, I'm thinking of you often. I'm glad you're getting support from friends and family. Please stay in touch here, too. emoticon
    1746 days ago
    Im so terribly sorry
    1764 days ago
    I can't imagine the devastation...
    My prayers are with you.
    So, so, sorry for your loss.
    1770 days ago
  • 123456789100
    Oona, so glad you are deciding to be safe and strong. I am so sorry for your loss. Take good care of you right now. I'm glad that you have Coco there with you.
    1771 days ago
  • LARISSA238
    *hugs* I lost my Nana this time last year. She is with me still, and sometimes I talk to her like she was still here. I have a couple of her rosaries that I keep by my bedside along with a picture of my late dad. It's kinda a memento to those I have lost.
    1771 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your loss. May God be with you.
    1771 days ago
  • RFJSJ50
    Always hold your memories close. My dad passed 25 years ago and mom and I were discussing him today. They were together for 45 years. She says he is always with her, in her heart and in her mind. She also says that time does help the hurt, it doesn't necessarily get less but you learn ways to deal with it. She also said that she thinks of happy memories when she thinks of him now. I wish you the same peace that my mother has found.
    You are in my prayers.
    Sheila emoticon
    1771 days ago
  • FRIDA11
    Always remember she wishes you have a good time and do the things that make you happy.
    Be grateful you had her. Some people never experience love.
    Once I cleared up in old letters and found a letter from a love who found someone else. It was so filled with love and I could not throw it away as Feng shui says. My friend - said be happy you have experienced love. Yes. Maybe love will come in new ways - Friends and family will be closer and you will have more time for them.

    I understand your fear of hospitals. Take good care of yourself so you will be strong. You are only 41 - Many healthy years are in front of you - hopefully -
    1771 days ago
  • ASH72461
    I am sorry for your lost
    she will always be a part of your life
    after all your years together helped form you into the person you are today
    please al emoticon emoticon low yourself time to mourn
    1771 days ago
  • TERRY0217
    So sorry to hear of your loss...you must be devestated...but know, you have friends and family who care about you...You will be in my thoughts and prayers..
    God bless you and keep you emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • FISHER011
    You & yours are in my thoughts & prayers, bless you!
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    May your times together comfort you.
    1772 days ago
    I'm sorry for your loss. emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    My heart breaks for you! I know that intense loss. I also share your fears about the future.
    I wish I could give you a hug, I wish I had a magic wand...

    Love without end
    1772 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    1772 days ago
    i am so sorry that you have been going thru so much, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. i know all the emotions that are going on thru your head right now, but don't give up on yourself. Stay strong like she would want you to be

    emoticon emoticon
    1772 days ago
  • 3G1RLS4ME
    So sorry for losing your wife, you do seem to have a strong family bond though you may you find peace in god, family, friends and your own heart in time. emoticon
    1772 days ago
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