Saturday, May 11, 2013
My wife went to the hospital, from the doctor's office on April 3rd for pneumonia after what she thought waw a cold.4 days later, she comes home and falls and breaks her femur 14 hours after discharge. A week later, she is transfered to a nursing home for rehab and to contiune healing. 2 weeks later, we had her "Celebration of Life". I am devestated. I am heartbroken. I have been with her over half of my life. I was 19 when we met. She, unfortunately, was 41. Now, I am 41. Now, she is gone. I'm not sure how to deal, but thank God in heaven, I have wonderufl freinds and family that are helping me to get through this. Today is the first night I will spend by myself. My sister and brother-in-law have been here and if they weren't, I was at my wife's (mine ???)niece's house with her family. Tonight, it's me and Coco. I think I will get through this. This is what Kathy would want. She would want me to be strong. She would want me to go on. She would want me to take care of Coco. She wouild want me to find something else to hold on to after he goes to be with her. I will always love her and miss her. I know that. But, I will also always have her with me as long as I do that. I know there may come a day it may be 1/2 an hour after I wake up til I think about her instead of 1/2 a second, and then it may be half a day, then maybe evening. But, there will never come a day that I will not think about her. Yes, we had our rough times but there were WAY too many good times to dwell on that. I do know that I will dwell on that from time to time, but I promise not to let it consume me. I know I will feel guilty, like I told you I did, but I will not let it fill my days and nights. I will believe that I did everythign that I could for her because I did, and I know that. I know that you worry about me and are afraid for my life. You will probably never stop because you know that she wouldn’t have and I promise, to you, to her, to everyone, I WILL NOT DIE WITHOUT A FIGHT!!! I know that at some point, I may need to hospitalized or helped a little more, but I will trust my friends and family to hlpe me to get the help that I need. Right now, I am a little scared and depressed, but I will go on.