Saturday, May 11, 2013
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott
As I said yesterday in my blog things inside me have about run dry. Well the tears seem to fall pretty easily lately but the other part the caring is running dry. Well today I woke to that quote in my email. I felt like I was being sent a message. I had my coffee and I headed out for a walk with my little walking partner. "Harley" and I haven't walked in so long together. I know she enjoyed it as much as I did. But I will be honest I'm really out of shape. But we did three miles and survived. I got home and got my sheets changed and in the wash. Then I headed back for a curtain that my husband had spilled milk of all things and it got on them. Well that led to all the curtains and the dust from too little time spent on anything that really matters lately would show, then of course the windows had to be cleaned and the blinds hosed. next thing I know I'm vaccuming all the little spaces in that room. when that was done I got my home gym cleaned. Man dust and dirt everywhere. Moral of all this....the walk gave my mind a much needed cleaning as much as my getting into that mess at home did for the room.
I know I must sound like a petulant child whining about the weight, the stress, the work, the well life in general. But if you have never had this thing called depression or anxiety you just wouldn't understand the mess it makes of your whole being. I can't really say i'm depressed but i'm sure anxious about something. though I did go all day with no zyrtec and all is well. no hives. but then again i'm off work for vacation this week so time will tell. I just miss feeling whole. what does that mean really? Does anyone really know? I mean we each are so different and that is a good thing, so what is whole for me may not be for someone else. Ok i'm getting a bit too deep even for me so time to back away from all that.
I had a pretty good food day, not perfect, but I made better choices than I could of being home all day alone. I moved more than I have in forever and now i'm ready for a moment. that is a "International coffee" for those that don't know. so i'm going to close now and I want to say to those that read this....we have to take it day by day. we may not get it right but I think I for one need to understand my journey. I need to learn to love me and find out what makes me tick. So I'm going to head off on this new week tomorrow and not look back. Ok that may be a bit of a lie. I will look back because to go forward I really need to spend time finding out why i'm feeling the way i'm feeling and fix the problem.