My motivation is pretty well gone.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I'm sitting here wondering how I've gotten so big that I hate seeing myself in a picture or in the mirror. I'm turning 29 in a few weeks and I feel like I'm 50. I lie to my self day after day that I look ok but honestly, I look like hell. I've been gaining weight steadily since my ex left. In a year and a half, I've gained nearly 30 lbs. I know I'm an emotional eater and have been forever. But it's so much easier when I get home from a 14 hour day to nuke a can of Chef Boyardee for my son and I rather than spend the time to make something better. Problem is each of those cans is 300-400 cals a piece. Not only am I over eating myself but I'm showing my son to do it too. I can't figure out a good way to keep myself on track. I don't have a cell phone so tracking on the go isn't viable, my school STILL doesn't have nutrition info on the food, and I can't drum up the enrgy to care. I'm just HUNGRY. All the time, hungry. I don't know if it's from the coffee suppressing my appetite but I do know that if I eat to early after getting up (like within an hour or two) I feel neatened, cramp-y, and bogged down. I've been making lunches to take with me but still I end up hungry. I'm pretty much out of ideas. I'm tired of feeling sick every time I eat, I'm tired of hating how I look, and I'm really really tired of knowing that I'm contributing to my son's idea of eating as something nuked.
Thanks guys. Happy weekend.