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My motivation is pretty well gone.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I'm sitting here wondering how I've gotten so big that I hate seeing myself in a picture or in the mirror. I'm turning 29 in a few weeks and I feel like I'm 50. I lie to my self day after day that I look ok but honestly, I look like hell. I've been gaining weight steadily since my ex left. In a year and a half, I've gained nearly 30 lbs. I know I'm an emotional eater and have been forever. But it's so much easier when I get home from a 14 hour day to nuke a can of Chef Boyardee for my son and I rather than spend the time to make something better. Problem is each of those cans is 300-400 cals a piece. Not only am I over eating myself but I'm showing my son to do it too. I can't figure out a good way to keep myself on track. I don't have a cell phone so tracking on the go isn't viable, my school STILL doesn't have nutrition info on the food, and I can't drum up the enrgy to care. I'm just HUNGRY. All the time, hungry. I don't know if it's from the coffee suppressing my appetite but I do know that if I eat to early after getting up (like within an hour or two) I feel neatened, cramp-y, and bogged down. I've been making lunches to take with me but still I end up hungry. I'm pretty much out of ideas. I'm tired of feeling sick every time I eat, I'm tired of hating how I look, and I'm really really tired of knowing that I'm contributing to my son's idea of eating as something nuked.

Thanks guys. Happy weekend.
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  • ELISARA2005
    Thanks Ladies. I very much appreciate your support.
    Bebo- I'm going to try the tracking in advance and see how I can fit that in with the lunches I'm taking to school and try and calculate the foods served at school.
    Bar- Many hugs back
    Bixa- Thank you.
    1716 days ago
    Woah. The first thing you need to do, is forgive yourself. You've had a hard time lately, and things haven't been easy. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, because we're all human and none of us handle everything perfectly.

    The second thing you have to do is love yourself. No matter what you look like. You're a GOOD person inside and out. Tell yourself this every single time you feel down on yourself. Instead of inwardly or outwardly demeaning yourself. Love yourself. Tell yourself that you're a great person that deserves to be happy, and your son deserves it too!

    Then, you just have to sit down and figure out what works best for you. If you're too tired after work (and let's face it, a lot of us are) to cook. There are healthy ways around just nuking things! On days off, try cooking meals ahead of time and freezing them. So that on days that you work, when you get home.. you can just reheat dinner cooked previously!

    As for the hunger thing, the only suggestion I have for that, is that if you know you've had enough to eat, but you're still hungry.... drink water! That's what I do, and it helps to curb my appetitie, and it's good for me.

    Good luck hun! Don't give up, and please don't be so hard on yourself. You can do this and you can take care of yourself. You and your son.. you two are worth the effort!
    1716 days ago
    1716 days ago
    Take slow steps and work on one thing at a time. If you cant track on the go, track ahead of time, using a calorie book to estimate. Perhaps focus first on eating more protein each day so you aren't so hungry for the unhealthy stuff. You can do it, but don't focus on how much you have to lose, focus on 1 lb at a time. I believe in you! emoticon
    1716 days ago
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