Saturday, May 11, 2013
I THINK I may have had a moment of balance last night.
As I've mentioned before, I tend to be an all or nothing person. It's 110% in or nothing at all, which has its great, wonderful, and successful moments as well as its horrendous, crash and burn, take cover moments. I liken this to my weight losses and gains in the past ten years - it's either full steam ahead or full food ahead. That being said, it's no surprise I've been successful thus far this time around because I have been diligently tracking and measuring everything I put in my mouth as well as everything I burn off my body.
Until last weekend.
Last weekend I went camping - no internet, no measuring cups, no food scale. And it was OK. Once I relaxed and enjoyed what I was viewing as small portions it was easier to calm the unsettled feelings in the back of my mind. Saturday came and went and it was the first time in over four months that I didn't log into SP. Not because I was lazy or unmotivated, but because life got in the way and I needed to veer off my, often times, over focused path.
I digress. Last night my husband and I went out to eat. I had hoped we would go to this one restaurant that would allow me to easily track my calories, be within limits, etc... Things didn't pan out and we ended up in one of my favorite, super delicious, but totally wild card on ingredients, restaurant. (If you're a NJ person I HIGHLY recommend Grub Hut in Manville.) At first I was uncomfortable at the idea of not knowing what to select or how much to eat, but then I let go. I realized I don't need to know every single calorie that I put into my body at every meal. I know I can't go hog wild, but if the ingredients are whole, natural foods in appropriate portions, does it necessarily matter what the caloric intake is?
I decided it doesn't and enjoyed the following: Fish Tacos. They aren't just any fish tacos though, which is why you need to know what's in them: It starts with a blue corn tortilla with fresh avocado spread on the inside. Then they are stuffed with arugula, mahi mahi, and fresh mango salsa (we're talking fresh mango). Then there are sides to the plate - beans, brown rice, guac, yogurt dressing, pico de gallo... but I opt out of the sides and enjoy my two tacos. They were awesome.
But the rewarding part was that I didn't feel guilty. The unknown always makes me feel out of control and the out of control makes me feel guilty, but this series of emotions aren't moving me towards a healthy lifestyle with balance. I need to remedy these in order for a life of inevitable maintenance to be successful and enjoyable. I like to think those delightful fish tacos are a tiny step there.