I started this particular journey at 293, my highest weight ever. That's what my doctor recorded over a year ago in December 2011 when I had a physical.
Being overweight my whole life, I'm no stranger to the obsession a doctor can have with her patient's weight. "Stomach virus...that'll go away. Now what are we going to do about this weight?" "Leg fell off in your sleep and vanished, huh? You still have the other one, right? Good. Even with that limb-loss, you're still much heavier than you should be at 5' 3". Come in for a follow up and I hope to see a 10 pound drop...next month...oh right yes and we'll check on that gaping hole where your leg used to attach to your torso."
You go in next time, maybe 5 pounds lighter, and it's not "Nice job! Keep it up!"--- it's "What happened? Did you make an appointment with the nutritionist I referred you to? You really have to watch what you're eating and get moving. JUST 45 minutes EVERY day and it'll make such a difference. You really need to take this seriously. :::insert disappointed face that she figured she'd be using before she even walked in the door:::"
I never realized that a doctor that supported ANY positive change would be so critical to the start of my journey until this past summer when I was forced to see a new one.
Even by July 2012, seven months after my record setting weight in and official start of high blood pressure medication, I really hadn't done anything. I knew I had an upcoming first follow up appointment but meeting my doctor's "not-too-ambitious-just-10-pou
nds-a-month" expectations felt impossible and I knew even a small fraction of it would be met with...that face.
On short notice, I had been assigned a new physician. Great... But actually, she WAS and HAS BEEN great! Even though I couldn't expect her to ignore the fact that I was twice the size I should be, she didn't give me bold judgemental look. She seemed willing to accept my vow to start walking and eating better, even if she was secretly sceptical.
We set up a three month follow up. I've been avoiding going to my doctor any time I could and now this new one wants me to come back in three months? SPECIFICALLY for my weight and blood pressure??? UGH!
I can't call what I did during those three months "trying" and it showed because the scale only read about 290 on that next appointment. Boy was I gonna get it.
But you know what? She actually applauded the loss, as seemingly insignificant as it was. Amazing! Again, I vowed to do better before I left. Told her the different things that I planned to do but just hadn't really done yet...the usual story. And, again, she accepted that just like before.
I had never experienced that before. She seemed so willing to see what I could do without her nagging. That may have been the very thing I needed! I started to change little things, walk a little today, walk a tiny bit more tomorrow, eat one less cookie today, do a couple discreet calf lifts while I wait for the elevator at work, etc.
At my last appointment with her, one month ago and nine months after my first one with her, I weighed in at 281. That may be only 12 pounds in all that time, but that's 12 pounds more than I actually thought I'd lose when I hit my highest. Despite the fact that she did feel I needed to start taking a triglyceride medication while I worked more on my weight and diet, she was very supportive of the change, however small it may seem in the grand scheme of things and that's all I really can ask for.
In just this last month, I've lost an ADDITIONAL seven pounds. It's been years since I've seen the 270s and now I'm I haven't been giving it my all at ANY point during this past year, yet I look at what I've done and how much I've accomplished so far both physically and mentally, even at half-speed. And I'm proud. I. AM. PROUD. And for once in my squishy, puffy, sweaty life, I see a change in me and my future. An actual change.