Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

    KENSHO   10,677
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints
A re-do on my battle of the mind blog.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I wrote a very exposing blog yesterday. I felt when i was writing it that it would be therapeutic in a way, but after re-reading this morning I realized that instead it came out looking very dark and much much sadder than I am.

I talked about my issues with food and with my body. How the physical side of losing weight is not my problem, it's mental/emotional problem that I have. I get in my head.

I also shared my insecurities about how I look and how others don't see me the way i see me. I shared a story about meeting my husbands bosses and how I feared their internal judgement.

The problem with the last blog is that I did not share how far I have come.

I was sad yesterday. I was down and feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with the amount of weight I still need to lose. I was beating myself up and I shared my mental conversation with the Spark world. I regret that.

So for those of you that read it...I hope you read this.

Today is a new day and here is the truth...........

I am insecure about my body, but with my lifestyle change I gain a little confidence each and every day.

I have issues with food and eating it for comfort or thinking about what I should not eat as punishment, but each day that I eat in moderation I get closer to becoming friends with food (so to speak.) emoticon

I struggle with resentment about ''dieting'' and feeling like a fat girl who will never lose all this weight so why bother, but with each pound lost I see the ''light at the end of tunnel'' and I get one step closer to being free of this baggage (the weight).

I struggle with making sense of these feelings because I am confident in all other areas of my life. I am a smart, funny, competent woman, but I do...from time to time.... beat myself up for allowing myself to get to this weight. I was never thin but I also never came close to weighing 250 (my starting weight). I did that. No one but me and I struggle with that. The why's of that.

Today I am going to have my husband take a photo of me at 220 and I am going to compare it to my 250 picture. I know I will see the difference. I think it will be good for me to see it though. I deserve the atta girl. emoticon

As for what I am going to do now...I am going to stay the course. I am going to keep chipping away at this body and of the mental picture I have of myself. I am going to replace the negative images I by one until I feel as good about my body as I do about the rest of my life. One memory at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHANSHE 5/16/2013 11:13AM

    YOU are doing AWESOME!!! proud of you!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    One day at a time, One minute at a time, One pound at a time.... Together... we will do it!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THE_SHAKESHAFT 5/11/2013 5:26PM

    You're doing so well. you should be so proud of how far you've come. We are proud of you. Know that and use that to continue moving forward.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAMAEL100 5/11/2013 3:52PM

    Well done on how far you have come and it is good to think about it in those terms.

Don't beat yourself up on the past. You wouldn't judge your best friend like that so treat yourself with the same respect you would some one else.

I also use the motto - if I can come this far I can go further. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STONECOT 5/11/2013 2:12PM

    I have actually written a blog that resonated with your last one, that I have not posted yet. I am glad that you have got to grips with your insecurities. We are all products of our life experiences, I had a controlling husband, who continually told me that I was fat and useless, and that's how I saw myself. Now I'm widowed, I have regained my previous self confidence, and behave accordingly. It's odd how otherwise calm and efficient women can be thrown into total melt down by their vulnerabilities. I started at 220lbs, I am now 167lbs, so it can be done, especially if you have support from your family and a husband who loves you, so keep pressing on! Fight those negative images and emotions! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADARKARA 5/11/2013 11:01AM

    emoticon You do deserve it!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.